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10#6702#Simon Cockle#41419.3445602#1#85455

Park keeper mauled by tiger in new terror attack

First a soldier, then a plane - now al-Queda have utilised Sumatran tigers to spread fear and panic in the UK. Authorities are putting everyone in the country on alert about threats from everything.

10#9766#Jaggedone#41417.8102431#2#713489

Germany knocked off the top by North Korea!

Germany nearly made it to the top of the global pop pops but were narrowly beaten by North Korea to the Nr 1 spot. Merkel is to blame because she can't sing and Kim Jong Un can, can!

10#8731#IainB#41417.4980903#3#56695

Google Glasses require a warning

All wearers of Google glasses will be required to wear a badge in future that reads: "This conversation will be recorded for training purposes."

10#14117#John_L#41417.3247338#4#132956

Cameron relived by Terrorist attack

It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.

10#8731#IainB#41415.5838079#5#252264

Abbreviation Conference

Ths yrs conf on Abbrs & TxtSpk will B held at G-Mex M/c. Attnd's shd arv 30mins b4 drs open 2 Nsure a gd seat.

10#12156#Herrdoktorfox#41415.4199884#6#12224

Happiness

What a Gay day!

10#8731#IainB#41415.3001042#7#1026944

Atos Canonised

Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.

10#6702#Simon Cockle#41415.2430787#8#732311

Mobile phones reunited with 'tele'

As from next year, mobile phones will have to be referred as mobile telephones in all advertising and documentation due to an EU ruling. This follows the decision to reassign the word wireless to radios.

10#14117#John_L#41414.6481944#9#103802

Chelsea Flower Show lifts ban on Gnomes

William Hague finally able to attend.

10#6112#Swan Morrison#41413.284294#10#100103

Tories Apologise To Mental Health Organisations Over Use Of Stigmatising Language

'Our activists should not be described as "mad, swivel-eyed loons",' said a spokesman, 'but rather as people with severe mental health problems who experience ocular complications.'

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