Jokes
Nine Months Later...
Mark decided to go fishing with his buddy, Bob....
My meeting with David Cameron
The wonderful leader of our Government Right Honourable David Cameron MP...
Best Pig in Show
Farmer George and Farmer William always competed hard for the best pig in show at the County Show. For six years straight, Georges prize boar Napoleon had been the champion, but Williams Attila was always...
11 on a rope
Eleven people were hanging from a rope, under a helicopter. 10 men and 1 woman. The rope was not strong enough to carry them all, so they decided that one had to leave, they were all going to fall. They...
Self-employed
Many years ago, John worked for a large business. It was his lifetime employment, but he wasnt happy there. He wanted to go in business for himself. He saved his money and finally had enough so that he...
Thar She Blows!
Mr. R. J. Johnson was on a plane looking out the window when he saw the motor smoke, flame up and quit. Just as he got the attention of the stewardess, he got a glimpse of the other engine blowing up....
P. Ennis Small,
If life gives you lemons, they say that you should just use them to make lemonade. However, if life gives you a small penis, youre pretty well screwed for the whole duration. Make that screwless for the...
Mice At The Nudist Colony
Two mice were making their way from eating restaurant scraps at the nudist colony restaurant when they came by a couple of beautiful naked woman. Wow! squealed one mouse. Look at those two bottoms over...
Battle of Trafalgar…. 2012 version
Nelson: Order the signal, Hardy. Hardy: Aye, aye sir. Nelson: Hold on, thats not what I dictated to Flags. Whats the meaning of this? Hardy: Sorry sir? Nelson (reading aloud): England expects every person...
Stanley and Dr Livingstone
When Stanley discovered Livingstone, he was invited to a celebratory dinner at one of the tribes that Livingstone was ministering to, the Krai tribe. As part of the festivities, several dances and acts were...
Penal Correction
The Bureau of prisons just announced the release of a serial bank robber who had looted over 30 banks before his capture. The parole board says he is completely rehabilitated and has found employment...
Guide to how to give more than 100%
Ever wonder about those people who say they are giving more than 100%? We have all been to those meetings where someone wants over 100%. How about achieving 103%? Heres a little math that might prove...
Horrible new email virus that affects Senior Citizens!
I was just made aware of this horrible virus by someone who contracted it. Be afraid ... be very afraid! A New Virus, I got this in from a reliable source. It seems that there is a new virus out there...
Those Twilight Neck-Biters!
Ive learned my lesson. Last night I was about to be mugged by a gang on the street so I flashed the Bat Signal into the air. Oh, Batman came and saved me alright, but that whole Cullen clan came also...
The Heckler
I cried because I had no shoes until I saw this guy in the park standing on a bench and telling me how evil the U.S had become. So I kept heckling him and heckling him until he got really pissed and threw...
Not Up To Snuff
For some reason I always thought it would be great to be the bionic man like the old $6,000,000 Man on TV. Imagine running at those speeds and jumping tall fences with a single bound. Truth to tell, once...
A man goes into a pub......(4)
and he has a box under his arm. Calling for everyones attention he declares, From this box I will produce the most beautiful piano solo that you have ever heard, just by tapping on it. I want you all to...
A man goes into a pub......(3)
and he has a cat under his arm. Milo my cat can play the piano. If you dont believe me, he will show you. I want you all to give $20.00 down to the barman, and if Milo doesnt play a tune, then Ill give you...
A man goes into a pub......(2)
and he had a dog under his arm. Kipper my dog is a performing dog and can do tricks for me. He commands the dog to beg, to stand on his head, to turn a summersault and lots of other cleaver things. After...
A man goes into a pub…….(1)
and it is crowded, he fights his way to the bar and orders a pint. He had hardly taken a sip when he felt the need to visit the loo. Thinking, if I take my drink with me Ill probably spill a lot. If I leave...
Bedroom Talk
While making lover to my wife last night in bed, she suddenly yelled out loud that she considered my manhood as a pillar of salt standing in a desert with hot red pepper on the end. In our of our 25 years of marriage,...
Th'ol' wan.
A family take their frail, elderly mother to a nursing home in Dublin and leaves her as planned, hoping she will be well cared for. The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast including All Bran...
Everything I need
A married couple is driving down the road; the wife is behind the wheel going a steady 40 miles per hour.. I want a divorce. the husband suddenly said. The wife says nothing, keeps looking at the road ahead but slowly...
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