Olympic Warm Up Match - Team GB 0 Brazil 2
Team GB were outclassed by Brazil at The Riverside with first half goals from Sandro and Neymar.
Just as well we didn't play them on the beach. Is it too late to instate David Beckham in the squad?
Glad All Over
Crystal Palace have announced the appointment of comedian and life long fan Eddie Izzard as Director.
Their fans could do with a laugh.
New York, NY--Going on Facebook is becoming a sex act for many adults. About 10% of the population has had a spontaneous orgasm while viewing the popular social website. Psychiatrists aren't sure why, but think it may have something to do with how...
Bus Shelter, Olympic Route Network (ORN), LONDON: As the Busker sings, thoughts come to the conscious mind.
Five Olympic wheel rings on my wagon,
And I'm still rolling along,
The Met Police are chasing me
Tasers fly, right on by,
But I'm singing a happy song.
I'm singing a higgity, haggity, hoggety, high
Olympic Lanes, there for five wheeled wagons
A mile up the road, there's a Police...
Rumours of Donald's demise on a pancake with hoisin sauce, spring onion and cucumber have been greatly exaggerated, and the half dressed duck has been coaxed out of retirement to help prop up a flailing Disney empire that has seen three of it's last...
Manchester United, Manchester City and Juventus confirm bids for Robin Van Persie from Arsenal.
Leaving Wenger enough cash to sign another Frenchman...
Birmingham supporter Rob Shannon has not missed one of his team's matches for 38 years, seeing the Blues play 1,800 consecutive games since 1974. And he only missed one that year because he was too ill to get out of bed.
1,800 consecutive...
Therapist into Dictaphone:
I can't believe the people in group. Conan O'Brien. Chevy Chase. Pat Sajak. Chevy Chase. Magic Johnson. Marilu Henner. Tony Danza. Arsenio Hall. Craig Kilborn. Dennis Miller.
Joan Rivers. Megan Mullaly. It's the bar scene in Star Wars. Only more narcissistic.
Man, what a bunch of crybabies. Nobody can understand Magic Johnson. Conan O'Brien keeps cr...
Barcelona - Spain:- A man caused quite a stir in this cosmopolitan Catalan city this morning, as he paraded around the city's central square, Placa Espana, wearing a placard which stated:
'I AM AN IDIOT AND PROUD OF IT!'
A group of curious onlo...
Dear Constituents
Sorry about the few spelling mistakes in my last Newsletter but I was very upset.
I am much better now, thank you, and have received several emails of support during this very difficult time - many of them offering sympathy and advice on how to cope with George's passing.
Reverend Jacobs asked that I call in at his church next Sunday for guidance and strength. I sai...
LOS ANGELES - Since having her baby on May 1, Jessica Simpson has tried desperately to lose some of the astounding weight she gained during her 10 month pregnancy.
She recently sat down with Kiowa Kettle of Tittle Tattle Tonight and quipped that t...
Wiltshire - Olympic copyright protection authority jobsworths swooped on an Alton Barnes wheat field this morning amid reports of blatant cashing in on the Games logo.
An alien crop circle depicting the Olympic Rings had sprung up overnight 'in co...
Granada, Spain: In an unprecedented incident today at one of the world's most famous tourist attractions, the Alhambra, a Dutch tourist was told to F++k off!
After queuing under the tremendous heat for an hour, the tourist, whose daughter had a re...
Presidential candidate Mitt Romney was speaking to a select group of financial supporters yesterday in the Hamptons and obviously had no idea his remarks would be reported in the media. He began by saying, "The great unwashed are people too, my frien...
Not to be confused with a resurrection of Carl Crawford, back from the dead, the Red Sox outfielder now bats second and steals bases again. It seems to be a miracle of Biblical proportions.
Crawford's journey may not yet be finished, but suddenly...
Herds of well trained cows have stormed supermarkets and local government buildings in a bid to support the farmers' strike.
A calculated and precise act of terrorism has prevented customers from purchasing milk. It has been alleged farmers have...
Due to the heavy rain forecast for the London Olympics, changes are having to be made to some of the events. This has meant that Usain Bolt will no longer be competing in the hundred metre sprint, and will instead be competing in the hundred metre bu...
NEW YORK CITY - It appears that Johnny Depp sure got sucker punched by his brand new girlfriend Amber Heard as Mr. D got D'd for dumped.
Fajita San Guacamole with Hollywood Innuendo noted that the relationship had barely gotten off the ground and...
A strange new development has occurred in the continued battle behind the oil industry and environmentalists over the use of fracking. Fracking, for those unfamiliar with the term, is the new art of pumping chemical laden water back into an undergrou...
Stephen Hawking, world famous for his robotic voice*, has been selected for the Team GB Olympic squad. While this may come as a surprise to many it hasn't for the Professor who said "Why not? Sports psychologists are always saying that excellence in...
Arizona -
Sunday UPDATE - According to local reports in Mesa, AZ, the toxins were administered via truck early Sunday morning. In addition to the stray cats and mosquitoes that were killed, the occasional unaware pedestrian was sprayed. Of cour...
ATLANTA - The president of the Cluck Cluck Filler Restaurant Chain, Danny Caloric has issued a statement which states that his company is going on record to say that they are an anti-gay marriage establishment.
Mr. Caloric, who says he is still ma...
SAN FRANCISCO - LeAnn Rimes had just finished performing her concert and was backstage at The Veni, Vidi, Vici Coliseum where she spoke with Grilletta Brewburger of Yippee-Ki-Yay Magazine.
Miss Brewburger asked the 63-pound singer how she felt the...
