Business Brief
Mortgage Approval boost for Cameron ahead of Conference
The number of new mortgages approved went up last week. The Conservatives have jumped on the news saying that the rise validates their plans to get the banks lending more. However most of the loans were for small short term deals which can be paid of...
Yippee! Beeb's handy Budget Calculator puts Spoof writer at £7,984,115 better off in 2013/14!
London - An online Budget Calculator published by the BBC has estimated that one Spoof writer will be approximately £8 million per annum better off in 2013 following George Osborne's Budget on Wednesday.
A 5% cut in the top rate of income tax and...
Osborne Approves Flood Of Toxic Banks
'Piggy Party' a small toy company based in George Osborne's own parliamentary constituency of Tatton, Cheshire, was hailed by the Chancellor yesterday as a "shining example for small businesses."
"Rather than sitting around waiting for handouts...
Boost For T Shirt Industry As "Fracking" Eclipses FCUK As Must Have Logo
The British T Shirt industry has received a much needed boost, since the government gave the go ahead for "fracking" to begin in parts of the UK.
Fracking, which is a method of extracting gas from shale deposits, now also doubles as a new swear w...
"End of the world can't come quick enough" says pay-day loan company Wodga.web's biggest debtor
Government proposal to tax orgasms
New Chocolate Sensation will be First Past the Post in Sales
Dyson launches the Dyson Hair Straighteners
Prostitutes struggling in austerity Britain
The sex industry, normally turgid even during tough times, has become flaccid in recent months. This is partly due to stiff competition but also due to punters lacking the wad to pay for hookers.
Prostitutes have had to lower their prices to remai...
O'Malleys Bank in Ireland Demands Euro Bailout to Avoid Meltdown
Patrick O'Malley, founder, President, Teller, Receptionist and Cleaner of O'Malley's Bank in McGillmara, Ireland, has demanded a financial bailout from the European Union.
Without an immediate injection of cash the bank will collapse and take the...
Ali Bullo To Remove The 'Big Jimmy' From Kebab Van Menus
South coast kebab, burger and pizza entrepreneur Ali Bullo today announced that the menu item known as the 'Big Jimmy' is to be discontinued with immediate effect from all of his conveniently located kebab and burger vans.
Market analysts speculat...
Metal thieves are pushing up the price of metal
Every day, one hundred thousand tonnes of metal are stolen across the UK. This is mainly copper, although there is a significant amount of iron also.
All of this metal needs to be replaced, as most of it can be quite vital to railway lines, the st...
Cameron relived by Terrorist attack
It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.
High Street stores to merge
Jessop's the failed high street photography retailer, are set to continue inside HMV stores, sparking a rush of other failing and failed stores to join in.
Receivers in charge of selling off HMV have changed tack, and decided that amalgamation no...
Sparks and Mensa announce lower profits for the year
Sparks and Mensa, the High Street store that the intelligentsia know and love has announced lower pre-tax profits than at this point last year.
"Our pre-tax profits are down by just over ten percent," said accountant, Ben Counter, who has shown be...
Comedian takes over Bank of England
It has been confirmed that a Comedian will replace Tubbs from the League of Gentlemen-lookalike Mervyn King as the Governor of the Bank of England.
In a surprise move the Chancellor announced the unknown Comedian as the new head, before adding tha...
Shove it Samsung: Apple to release another new iPhone
Following the release of the iPhone 5, the eyes of the world have turned their gaze back towards Cupertino, California and asked, "Oi! Apple! What else you got?"
The rumour mill is abuzz with reports of the technology giant's intention to release...
Iranians to sell Airfix
In a shock revelation, Iranian President Avadmedinnerdad has revealed that he will allow his "country" (read 14th Century confederation of warring factions) to sell their controlling interest in the well-known aircraft modelling firm, Airfix.
"We...
"Kiss It Better" Insurance Policy Unveiled
Following the huge success of the personal injury lawyers advert where former average tennis player and T.V host Andrew Castle patronisingly claims that "sometimes sorry makes everything okay," one of the UK's leading personal injury lawyers has devi...
Trump plans to rescue World Economy by creating World's Largest Golf Course
Never one to rest on his preposterous hairstyle, Donald Trump has announced his strategy to end the Global Economic slowdown. On the back of his outstanding commercial success on the east coast of Scotland, Trump is now ready to unveil his next stag...
Pro-debt protesters march across the UK
Protests were held today in London, Glasgow and Belfast to demand that the government spends as much money as possible in order to increase the national debt.
It is estimated that as many as 10,000 people may have turned out to show their disconte...
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Yippee! Beeb's handy Budget Calculator puts Spoof writer at £7,984,115 better off in 2013/14!
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