The sex industry, normally turgid even during tough times, has become flaccid in recent months. This is partly due to stiff competition but also due to punters lacking the wad to pay for hookers.
Prostitutes have had to lower their prices to remain competitive, to the extent that some are now actually paying customers for sex. In the red light district of Dorking, whores drive up and down the main street cruising for young men to offer them a freebie and a bonus cash gift. Some whores have even been arrested for soliciting.
One local tart explained, "It's like when Tesco's and Sainsbury's had that baked beans price war. In fact, I've started giving away a free tin of beans with every act I perform as an incentive."
Sex industry analysts have noticed a significant decrease in the average price for a sex act. It now costs roughly £5 for a Chegwin, £10 for a Norwegian headlock, and as little as £30 for a brown trout surprise.
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