Written by Skoob1999
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Saturday, 26 November 2011

image for Local Man Infuriated Over George Michael Aids Rumours
Andrew Ridgeley Arrives In Vienna To Visit His Old Pal. (Photo Courtesy Of A Hilter And Sons)

Local man, Martin Shuttlecock today expressed his utter disgust with lowlife press hacks and internet media muggers who have been suggesting that George Michael may have aids.

The former Wham! singer, currently in a Vienna hospital has had to cancel his entire European tour after succumbing to a severe bout of pneumonia, and is undergoing intensive treatment by some of the world's finest doctors, as he battles a serious, life-threatening condition.

Opinion has it that many hacks equated George Michael being a gay man with pneumonia, which is frequently associated with aids sufferers, and jumped to unfounded conclusions.

Local man, Shuttlecock, a dashingly handsome 25 year old potential olympic fencing champion, was appalled by the reports linking George Michael with aids.

It seems that Shuttlecock is something of an expert on pneumonia, having experienced the second degree version of the illness at the tail end of 2010, and spending New Year's Day 2011 in the hospital.

Shuttlecock's subsequent experiences coping with the illness have been well documented. On January 13th 2011, attempting a premature return to work, Shuttlecock blacked out as he stepped from a train, and ended up in a scary situation, wedged between the train and the platform at a Hampshire railway station.

Sadly, for certain people, Shuttlecock managed to extricate himself from a potentially fatal situation with little more than cuts and bruises and a buggered up knee, which still hurts to this day.

Although he insists that despite his incapacity, he's still more than capable of delivering a hefty and life-changing kick in the bollocks to anybody who gets on his tits. Speaking exclusively from his Crap You Tube Video set in his dining room, Shuttlecock raged at reporters:

"I got fucking pneumonia. Right? And it was really bad. That shit can proper kill you, no matter how hard you think you are. I got it, and I'm not gay, or a transvestite, or anything like that, but I do sympathise with George Michael. He's a very poorly man. The gutter press are giving the poor bastard both barrels, and implying that he's in a dangerous health situation because he's gay. What a load of old bollocks. I've never been a George Michael fan, but for fuck's sake, somebody needs to get a grip and stop writing this shit.

"One thing I've always admired about George Michael is his forthrightness, his readiness to admit that he messed up, so I'm furious that people are jumping to these crazy conclusions. It's just cheap and nasty journalism, plumbing the very depths...and the fact that I wouldn't accept a lift off him if he'd done a couple of spliffs is utterly irrelevant. The point being, that these scandal-mongers who write this nonsense probably have the complete catalogues of Michael Jackson and Gary Glitter on their iPods. Fucking hypocrites."

Yes indeed.

More as we get it.

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