Magazine
"Alex Salmond would do well to remember Panama.."
A friend told me about a week or so before we left that he couldn't quite believe it was actually happening and weren't we concerned about racism.
I recall frowning with genuine confusion. It wasn't as though John had ever been one to over-dramatise, that always fell to his wife, Lucy, and even as we had this conversation, she was frantically talking to her mother, advising her where the 'Meni...
Bruce Springsteen Gave Me A Guitar.
So it dawns on me that, of course, the guitar must have been from Bruce.
Springsteen.
I'm not sure how I know… but I remember as we - I can't discern who's with me - approach the gig. It's like a large village hall with a balcony - or one of those non-conformist churches, but I can see no religious stuff.
Anyway, we take seats on the floor to one side, under the balcony, thinking we won...
Ross Kemps Nan World Snooker Round-up: Day 16 - Final
So today is the first day of the All-Essex Final, between 'Rocket' Ronnie O'Sullivan and Ali Carter 'the unstoppable snooker machine'.
Ronnie reached the final beating three previous world champs in the first three rounds - Peter Ebdon 10-4, Mark Williams 13-6, and Neil Roberston 13-10. In the semi-final he beat Matthew Stevens 17-10.
After a convincing 10-2 win over Mark Davis in the first...
Private Message For Tim McInnerny, Omid Djalili & Samantha Bond OR a Lunatic's Ode To Joe Orton's What The Butler Saw
ZZZzzzzz
Mmmm.
And so.. Zzzzz...
Hear you're doing Butler.
Right then! Listen very carefully. I shall say this only once.
Are you mad? No. Don't answer. I'll come in again.
Enters stage right to screams of laughter, wild applause and a shower of warm lace knickers. Good morning. I represent Her Majesty's Government. Your immediate superiors in madness. You called sq...
"Tim McInnerny & Cast Of 'What The Butler Saw' Unfairly Savaged By London Theatre Critics" Claims World's Leading Authority On Joe Orton
National Treasure, Brenda Stoat - a bosom friend of Dame Edna Welthorpe - launched a savage attack on London Theatre Critics today, after reading reviews of last night's opening of What The Butler Saw at the Vaudeville Theatre.
Mrs Stoat, who has directed every play Joe Orton ever wrote, was speaking to journalists outside the gates of her recently repainted 3 bedroom bungalow.
"I did warn...
Appeal from the The Nottingham Social Services/Adoption/Benefits Office
An open letter to:
Mariska Hargitay, Charlize Theron, Viola Davis, Kristin Davis, Denise Richards, Sheryl Crow, Sandra Bullock, Katherine Heigl, Madonna, Angelina Jolie, Nicole Kidman, Calista Flockhart, Michelle Pfeiffer, Meg Ryan, Sharon Stone, and Jamie Lee Curtis.
From:
The Nottingham Social Services/Benefits Office.
Dear ...........(whichever and all celebrities selected)
My name is...
Nottingham News for W/E: 13th May 2012
Monday 7th May 2012
Topic: Crime - Murder- Arrests
"Men in court over the murder of Malakai McKenzie in Nottingham"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Two men have appeared before Nottingham Magistrates' Court charged with murder.
Malakai McKenzie, 19, was fatally wounded in the car park of The Hubb, in Hucknall Road, Sherwood, on 21 April.
Ijah Lavelle-Moore, 20, and Malcolm Vaughan Francis, 18, bot...
10 Questions For Home Secretary Theresa May
1. Do people ever confuse you with Teresa (no h) May, the 'glamour' model who appeared in the Prodigy music video 'Smack My Bitch Up'
2. Why do so many ships sink on May Day?
3. Do you know where your diary is today?
4. Do you know what day it is today?
5. Do you ever confuse your Diary with your Dairy?
6. Do you know how many units of alcohol you've drunk this week?
7. When David Cameron go...
Nick Clegg: Lib Dem plan 'for fairer Britain'
Oddly enough, that also happens to be the BNP's plan!
The Religious Slot - God's Factory
"I'm Arthur Godley - Godley by name and Godly by nature. Take a seat, mate. I won't be long."
From behind his expansive desk, Arthur Godley glanced at his visitor.
"Not the sofa, mate. The chair is for ordinary visitors. "
Arthur Godley, proprietor of Godley's Garden Gnomes of Krupton straightened his red tie and pulled on the gold cuff links. The penchant for bright ties and driving wi...
How to Make an Atomic Bomb
In the past, building an atomic bomb was something only attempted by terribly clever, brainy chaps who were good at doing really hard sums, and crossword puzzles in The Times. Now however, it's possible to build your own atomic bomb without any training, and at relatively low cost.
There really is no better way to pass a dreary bank-holiday weekend than by producing and detonating your very own...
Nottingham News for W/E: 6th May 2012
Sunday 29th April 2012
Topic: Development - Asda
"Asda plans to regenerate derelict site in St Ann's, Nottingham"
Source: BBC News
Extract: Plans to build a supermarket and homes in a "run-down" area of Nottingham are to go on public display.
Asda has earmarked a site on Carlton Road in St Ann's for the store, which it said could create 200 jobs.
The company said the store, which...
Zodiac: Best Pets for Gemini
Pets for Gemini
May 21st to June 21st
You love having a constant companion so a lap dog is the best choice for you. You need a pet you can travel with.
Many Gemini's have pets in pairs.
They often have two dogs or two cats so they can keep each other company.
A parrot or cockatiel makes a great companion for a Gemini.
Birds resonate with your airy, free spirit, and what a plus fo...
Fun Horoscopes for June 2012
Aries
March 21 to April
You may be feeling a little sentimental this month, about time too!
Remember, it's unfair to expect your friends and family to keep providing you with alibis.
You will command the respect and favours you deserve this month. In fact, you should probably begin by trying to make people address you as "Master" and signing off any emails with the words "Your Chief and Overl...
Zodiac: Best Pets for Pisces
Pets for Pisces
Feb 19th to March 20th
You like calm animals so you prefer a cat over a dog. You are also a major water sign so fish, especially koi fish, are not a bad choice for your sign.
An aquarium filled with tetras and guppies is a natural for the sign of the Fishes.
But your compassionate sign is also a soft touch for the sick, the old and the weary.
The neighbour who took i...
A True Diary of Woe - Part Fifty-Six: Off for Blood Tests
A diary of one man's (Using the term man loosely) utter failure, depression, frustration, cock-ups, and impecuniousness, that had started in August 1947
Chapter 99:: A Pleasant Walk to the QMC for my blood-tests
The rain from the day before had relented, so off I set on my marathon hobble to the Queens Medical Centre, from my humble wreck of a two-up-two-down crumbling holed roofed hovel of...
Zodiac: Best Pets for Taurus
Pets for Taurus
April 20th to May 20th
Any type of dog suits you, but ones that are calm and like to lie around and watch television with the family are the best. You also get along very well with cats as they are so gentle. You prefer cleaner animals so you are not fond of rabbits or ferrets.
The sensual Bull likes a touchable pet, like a plush Russian blue or Scottish fold cat.
No sl...
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