Funny story:  A Treehouse: How To Make One

A Treehouse: How To Make One

Ever thought you'd like to live the outdoor life? Ever wondered what it would be like to live under the stars? Ever considered building a treehouse? Good, I hoped you say that! I've never built one, or even been in one, but how hard could it be? The first thing, I imagine, that you need to build a treehouse, is a tree. Without one, the idea just won't work. I was going to say "the proj...
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Book Review - Discover Scotland, A Lonely Planet Book

The title of this book is VERY misleading. Scotland has ALREADY been if you are buying this book hoping to be the first person to discover Scotland you will be very disappointed. It is a functioning third world country populated by ginger haired people and men dressed in skirts. The women all have beards and they deep fry EVERYTHING. There may well be parts of Scotland yet un...
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The World in 2114

One hundred years ago, people were rubbing their hands with excitement in anticipation of the beginning of the First World War. How times have changed! Who knows what future conflicts people might be looking forward to in a hundred more years. We asked a group of futurologists to give their predictions for what changes we can expect by 2114, even though they'll all be dead by then so they can't be...
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Funny story:  The Space Lizard Next Door

The Space Lizard Next Door

Is it me, or does there seem to be more people these days that might be carnivorous space lizards? The whole space lizard concept was the brain-child (loose term) of the much celebrated football pundit and renowned bat-shit crazy person, David Icke. It goes something like this: Flesh-eating reptile humanoids, living in underground bases around the world, have infiltrated every facet of huma...
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Funny story:  A look at next year's Oscar contenders

A look at next year's Oscar contenders

Here is a sneak peak of some of the films that are predicted to do well at the 2015 Oscars. "Fists of a Father"- a hard-hitting (pun intended) drama about the horrors of life under a tyrannical and violent father, seen through the eyes of his daughter, set against the back drop of the Korean war. Based on a best selling novel, although heavily edited for the film version. Starring newcomer Na...
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Winter Olympics roundup

Hi! My name's Tad Poleman and here is my official roundup of the Winter Olympics here in Sushi, Russia. We're now halfway through the Olympic Games, and it's been so exciting I haven't even written an article about it yet. So here is a summary of what's happened so far. Who can forget Geoff Chafe winning Britain's one and only medal in the nude luge? Amazingly he beat his nearest opponent the G...
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The greatest love of all

Let's face it guys, we all get nervous before a date with a beautiful young lady. And if it is one that you suspect and hope that you are going to get lucky on, then it's only natural that some performance anxiety will creep in. There are several ways to combat this but one of the commonest is to have a little "me time" prior to your date. This not only relaxes you but will hopefully make you a li...
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Funny story:  New Year's Eve TV Guide

New Year's Eve TV Guide

Here is a listing of Channel 6's schedule for New Year's Eve. 7.00pm. The Greatest Adverts of 2013. Stephen Telly counts down the nation's favourite 50 adverts of the year. Sponsored by Wonga. 9.00pm. Medieval Fantasy Bloodbath. The Count visits a brothel, Sir Nipple has his leg cut off by a dwarf, and Princess Stacey discovers a secret that forces her to boil her husband alive. 10.00pm.
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Breaking News...

Vatican Closes Down Miracle Response Units (M.R.U.s)

Fifty Miracle Squads are to be closed from January 2015 due to loss of laundering revenue. Changes in Laundry rules have forced laundering to be done by nuns. Miracle numbers will be issued by phone.

Funny story:  The Lizzy Awards

The Lizzy Awards

Why nobody in Stratford knew that Shakespeare wrote plays in London.....because this never happened Scene: Albert Hall, 1600 Announcer: And now for the award we have all be waiting for...the best play of 1599....The nominess are: Ben Jonson for "Everyman in his Humor"; Thomas Dekker for "Shoeman's Holiday"; John Webster for "The White Devil"; Thomas Middleton for "The Changeling"; and Wi...
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Funny story:  Big-Shot Barry, Brilliant Businessman

Big-Shot Barry, Brilliant Businessman

Barry found a nice office. He bought some new furniture and moved in. he had only been there for e few hours when he heard someone coming toward the door of his office. "It must be my first customer" Barry thought. He quickly picked up the telephone and pretended to be very busy answering an important call from someone in New York who wanted to buy a big and expensive house in the country. F...
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Funny story:  50 things you must do in Britain before you die

50 things you must do in Britain before you die

Travel agency GetMeTheF***OutOfHere has compiled a list of the fifty things that every British person should do before he or she dies. The list is intended to increase tourism to the UK as well as boosting some of our best known exports. It includes many experiences which British people will commonly do at some time in their life. Foreigners and tourists may wonder about some of the items, but...
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Funny story:  On The Other Hand... by Jackson Hoff

On The Other Hand... by Jackson Hoff

Hoff Here. There are many aberrations in nature that are well known as aberrations. Calves with two heads. Shell-less turtles. Dwarf anythings. Journalists. Guidance Counsellors. The list goes on. But there is one that, strangely, oddly, has slowly, imperceptibly gained acceptance in almost every society in the modern world. We've all most likely come in contact with at least one in our lives.
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Funny story:  "What we did" guide to our first family nudist holiday

"What we did" guide to our first family nudist holiday

Sunday: Had breakfast with myself as the only practicing nudist. My wife and kids clearly thought it was an elaborate joke. My daughter wouldn't come out of her room. I played along with the "its a joke" routine until the taxi turned up to take us to the train station. Arriving at "The Shrivelled Husk" hotel in Huddersfield, we were met by a naked receptionist pervert. We went to the changing...
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Funny story:  Memoirs of Hadrian by Maugerite Yourcenar

Memoirs of Hadrian by Maugerite Yourcenar

My favorite bit of this memoir was when Hadrian decided to build a 2 feet high wall to keep Scottish people out of England that stretched across the country. Unfortunately it only kept out Scottish dwarfs as the normal sized Scotsmen simply stepped over this ill thought barricade and headed straight to London where they set up home in Tube Stations, drinking whiskey and occasionally throwing u...
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Funny story:  Why Britain Hates The Winter Olympics

Why Britain Hates The Winter Olympics

On the 7th of February, President Vladimir Putin of Russia will insert a flaming 12-inch torch into a fur-lined brown ring in Sochi, causing a shower of snowy liquid to shoot over the expectant crowd and thereby bringing to a start the Winter Olympics of 2014. It is sure to be a gay old time for all involved, but how did we get here? Where did it all begin? The answer, perhaps unsurprisingly, i...
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Funny story:  Are You On Facebook?

Are You On Facebook?

If I had to pick one question that sums up the past six years of society on Planet Earth, this would be it. I am asked it on a weekly basis by various people, sometimes by the same people who asked me the same question the previous month. In fact, I'm not actually sure how I should take this repeated questioning. Is it out of pure fucking amazement that I'm one of the few remaining who does...
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Jack Van Gump
Jack Van Gump
Joined: 21 May 2004
Stories Written: 9

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