Tales From Mingehampton: Madame Kovarian shot dead in Syria snatch.

"We have some breaking news for you nerds out there... Madame Kovarian has been shot to death by a bunch of hom's in Syria. The eyepatched psycho who some wrongly assumed had died in Series 6 - or Season 32 if you are really geeky - of Doctor Who, in The Wedding of River Song, was caught in the crossfire of a snatch-and-grab stalemate between Archduke Ferdinand Crippledick and a handful of mates versus the entire Syrian Arab Army," stated Billy Turnbull on Mingehampton Mellow Radio FM 69.69.

Exjustice Jack Straw sat up sharply in his Lay-z-Bastard recliner and took the cucumber slices off his eyes. Wow, this was startling news. Not that the Archduke had nipped over to Syria to take on the whole might of the Syrian Arab Army with a few bearded buddies, that was to be expected. No... Madame Kovarian being caught in the crossfire was an unexpected surprise. Jack got out of the Lay-z-Bastard recliner and stretched. Then he walked over to the secret panel that lead to the secret MI6 document library.

Jack pressed the secret button... no that wasn't it... nope that neither... or that... Jack glared at the panel. It was like trying to remember the code for the parental control at his mums house for Sky Movies when he nipped round and she wasn't in. Well that's that bollocksed then. No looking up Madame Kovarian's records, slipping on a teleport bracelet, and of course his ever trusty world's one and only invisible ghillie hoody, and seeing what went wrong with the Archduke's snatch for the very first time ever.

Jack walked into the kitchen and made himself a pint mug of milky sweetened coffee and cut two more large slices of cucumber. He trudged back to his Lay-z-Bastard recliner and placed the cucumber on his eyes and lay back to sip his coffee. Ferdinand would be back soon enough now his snatch was fubar. Jack knew the Archduke would just gently remind him where the secret button was and that would be the end of the matter. It was a shame... he had so wanted a four to five thousand word adventure, and this had looked promising.

He realised that he would be struggling to get a five hundred word article out of this mess so decided to give up and settle for four hundred on the Archduke's Blog he writes for him.