Spoof news snippets from Tuesday 11 September 2012
England v Ukraine: Team News
Cleverly (Tom) In.
Stupid (John Terry) Out.
Andy Murray celebrates US Open win with Irn Bru
He's still Scottish then.
Confidential Waiver Wire Leaks in Boston
According to MLB sources, there were more waiver wire disclosures during August at Fenway Park than leaks in the men's room.
Wayne Rooney: Son's birth made me grow up!
Oh I am glad... but most people grow up with or without having a child...
"Never mind!"
Volvo's new V40 - Officially The safest car in the world
Just what the family needs - and a snip at from £23,745!
David Laws reinstated as Minister
David Laws: who swizzed £40,000 from taxpayers, is back?
In what other job would this be OK?
"Bloody Nepotists!"
Trying to Stay Relevant
Obama orders White House to replace telegraph system with rotary dial phones.
London 2012: Paralympics Closing Ceremony
ATTENTION ALL RADIO DJs - If you play a Coldplay song backwards on the radio, we get our Olympics and Paralympics back.
Andy Murray wins first Grand Slam (US Open)
Finally we can start calling him British instead of Scottish. Or was it Canadian. Or was that Greg Rudeski?
US Open Tennis Final finishes at 2am UK Time.
Al Murray beat The Joker with help from his coach Ivan Lidl. Murray is the first British winner since Katy Perry.
* Some of this information may be wrong due to the late finish.
Andy Murray wins US Open Tennis Final
He's the first British male winner of a Grand Slam in 76 years since Fred Perry.
He's now planning on quitting tennis and selling Sports tops.
Repeated History
Greece and other economically failing European socialist countries blame minorities (Jews, Gypsies etc) for their debt problems, rather than the county's incompetent leadership! Is the USA next?
Déjà vu Again
Monica is to President Clinton as former President Clinton is to President Obama!
Democratic Party Name Change
President Obama, Rep. Pelosi (D-CA) & SML Reid have destroyed the Democratic Party with their extreme left wing ideology. The new name is to be the Communist Reactionary Un-Democratic (CRUD) Party!
Chicago Teachers' Union Strike
Chicago's Democratic Mayor Rahm Emanuel has always supported union demands using other people's money. Now his administration must foot the bill for increasing Chicago teacher's salaries!
Political Color Change
The Democratic Party has moved to the far left, so shouldn't their color be red rather than blue?
Political Battle of 2012
King Obama I & the Blue Knights of Democratica filled the moat with alligators & raised the White Castle drawbridge. Red Knights led by Sir Romney of Republicana approach with their siege machines.
Anyone Remember President Carter
Clueless Democratic far left wing liberals like President Obama come along every 40 years, like locusts they destroy everything in their path. The next Republican president has to clean up the mess!
Democratic Spin
President Obama currently has the welfare and the freeloader votes. The president is going after the undecided voters with his Pinocchio speeches that take credit for everything in the last 50 years!
Another Open Mike Gaff
Vice President Biden was overheard at the Democratic Convention telling DNC Chair Debbie Wasserman Shultz that he was going to vote for the Republican Romney/Ryan ticket!
Taliban plan to kidnap Prince Harry
They're looking for the naked bloke holding a billiard cue.
Roy Hodgson: Peter Crouch in England exile after Euro refusal
Crouch refused to be on stand-by for the Euro 2012 squad. He must have his head in the clouds.
Supermarket rejects £2 coins at till
First we had the double dip recession, now we have the double pound rejection.
Injury to John Terry will not weaken England team says James Milner
Just make them 75% less racist.