Top UK Headlines
Health & Safety Breakthrough
Following the example of Bangladesh the British Government is setting out it's programme to cut out regulation and red tape.
David Cameron announced his proposals to outdo UKIP at the local elections. Senior Tories think he is onto a huge vote win...
Accident & Emergency
Unfortunately the Prime Minister was unable to attend House of Commons Questions for the sixth week running due to an unavoidable incident.
'I was finding my in growing toe nail on my right foot had become unbearable' Cameron explained 'so I had t...
German comics union claim damages from the UK
The German Comedians Union are to bring a case before the European Union claiming defamation by generations of British comedians. In the case they state that for years the British said that their comedy was far superior to German comedy and that Germ...
Dorking Marathon cancelled
Following a series of embarrassing incidents, Dorking Marathon has been forced to cancel this year. The final straw came yesterday when the last remaining sponsor United International Armament Suppliers withdrew their support saying, "We do not wish...
Lady Thatcher not buried
Elderly Woman Dies of Natural Causes - Hundreds Celebrate
Theresa May suspects she should remain anonymous until charged
Bangladeshi Woman Rescued After 17 Days Buried in the Rubble Told to "Get Back to Work!"
Mystery solved by anonymous person
London, England. In the most bizarre and astonishing news to break in history, a self employed sewage disposal worker has solved one of the the universe's most famous mysteries: why the earth rotates on its axis. The individual, who asked to remain n...
Mail Works A Miracle
The Daily Mail is being praised by many for its contribution to uniting the Radical Left in Britain. This seemingly impossible task, clearly influenced by a special Iron Lady Spell, has made comrades of people who normally would cross the road rather...
Rod Hull is still alive and in witness protection
Former Children's TV presenter Rod Hull, the owner of Emu and the curliest hair on television is not dead.
According to the history books, Rod Hull fell off the roof of his house while adjusting the aerial on his roof.
"When we came up with tha...
Spring unapologetic for striking over temperature cuts
Spring has refused to apologise for going on strike in Britain this year, instead citing immigrants, an unfortunate bout of Hepatitis B and government temperature cuts as a valid excuse for no longer giving a fuck whether elderly couples can drink Pi...
Cameron relived by Terrorist attack
It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.
Margaret Thatcher Coffin To Be Fired Into Deep Space
The coffin of former British Prime Minister Margaret Thatcher, who died a few days ago, is to be launched into Deep Space after her funeral, it has been claimed by me.
Thatcher, who was "highly thought-of" in mining circles, was the first woman to...
Iain Duncan Smith, tows party line, too scared to lose grey vote.
In a small article buried in between the adverts for fur lined microwave booties and comfy corduroy slacks in this months Grey Express, Iain Duncan Smith (IDS) has said that the elderly should hand back their benefits money. Of this IDS has said 'um,...
Motor cars in UK getting bigger
The average size of a family motor car in Britain has increased by over 30 per cent during the first three months of this year, according to road surveys carried out by teams of weight watchers and nosey-parkers.
In 2011 and 2012, the average car...
Gateshead Couple Fall on Hard Times
A middle-aged couple are recovering in hospital after a freak accident on their local high street.
George and Florence Sellers tripped over a tightly bound parcel of newspapers which had been left for them outside their newsagents shop. They fell...
Prisoners to be stripped under new jail reforms
The Justice Secretary has today announced prison reforms in a bid to cut down waiting lists. Prisoners will no longer automatically receive perks such as clothing and absorbent toilet paper.
Initially the prisoners will have to parade naked under...
Man divorces parrot after relationship breakdown
Liverpool, UK. In astonishing news just beginning to break (we think),a middle aged gentleman has been granted a divorce from his seven year old parrot;yes, a parrot. The unprecedented event occurred only a few hours ago and more details are emerging...
Did paedo Savile have his very own Cleveland-style dungeon?
London - Professional profilers analyzing serial monster Jimmy Savile's depraved 60-year rampage are asking the inevitable, 'just how really bad was this bastard?'
A confidential briefing this week will see sleuths from the Met's Serious & Or...
The Queen Feeling 'Unwell'
The health of the Queen has become problematically only days before the funeral of Margaret Thatcher. It was thought the Queen had caught measles and that it was spreading throughout the Royal family, but Dr Ian Knowall has advised us that the only k...
Latest Spoof UK Headlines
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Queen's speech in summary
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Did paedo Savile have his very own Cleveland-style dungeon?
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Rod Hull is still alive and in witness protection
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Joblessness could affect millions
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Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike
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Bangladeshi Woman Rescued After 17 Days Buried in the Rubble Told to "Get Back to Work!"
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Scotland could take UK's place in the EU, says SNP
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Britain's Double Decker Buses To Be Replaced
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Atos canonised by the Catholic Church
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Evil Killer Cheese Chemical, Annato, Steals Pizza From Asthma Sufferers
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Health and safety update the banned list
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Derek Acorah arrested as part of operation Yo-Yo
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Gateshead Couple Fall on Hard Times
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Theresa May suspects she should remain anonymous until charged
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Glasgow Kiss For UKIP
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Kate Middleton garden gnome caught in lewd shagging act at Chelsea Flower Show
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Woman returns from shops empty-handed
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Gay Divorce yet to be legalised
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Man Has Both Legs Amputated In Revenge Wedding Prank
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Knock-and-run incident is suspected 'terror attack'
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