Top UK Headlines
Mystery solved by anonymous person
London, England. In the most bizarre and astonishing news to break in history, a self employed sewage disposal worker has solved one of the the universe's most famous mysteries: why the earth rotates on its axis. The individual, who asked to remain n...
Prisoners to be stripped under new jail reforms
The Justice Secretary has today announced prison reforms in a bid to cut down waiting lists. Prisoners will no longer automatically receive perks such as clothing and absorbent toilet paper.
Initially the prisoners will have to parade naked under...
Lady Thatcher not buried
Lady Thatcher will not be buried in the foreseeable future minister's claim.
Several noted undertakers have been contracted but have returned the body without explanation.
A countrywide search has been made to find a funeral service willing to...
Thatcher died in hotel bed reading Spoof story
London - The old despot's last moments have been revealed after CCTV footage was published by the Ritzz Crackers Motel where she was holed up pending another, er, comeback.
Mrs T, who died on Monday morning, is pictured with a pint tumbler of gin...
Man divorces parrot after relationship breakdown
I'm sick of being a dirty little secret, says kebab
Gateshead Couple Fall on Hard Times
Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike
PFA show their ignorance
Back in 1983 the Professional Football Association fought a court case on behalf of the player Luther Blissett against 'The Current Bun'. The news paper had alleged that AC Milan had secured a deal with Blissett when in fact they wanted his fellow Wa...
Anti-Thatcher protest found to be a medical condition
Politicians are urging calm tonight, after the revelation that widespread anti-Thatcher demonstrations may actually be the result of an epidemic.
Miners, socialists, Travellers, students and anti-capitalist protesters are converging on London to d...
Cameron offers British sovereignty to mainland Argentina
Cristina Kirchner is reported to have reacted furiously to a letter from David Cameron detailing his proposition for a "Yes/No" British sovereignty referendum on mainland Argentina.
The letter, which was apparently intended as an April fool and a...
Health & Safety Breakthrough
Following the example of Bangladesh the British Government is setting out it's programme to cut out regulation and red tape.
David Cameron announced his proposals to outdo UKIP at the local elections. Senior Tories think he is onto a huge vote win...
Cameron relived by Terrorist attack
It means that the news of his capitulation on Corporation Tax after Google threaten to pull their £4.5m donation from the Tories.
Convicted war criminal scrounges free funeral for mum
A man convicted for his part in an attempted coup in Equatorial Guinea has managed to get a lavish funeral for his mother on the Tax Payer.
Mark Thatcher who backed the 2004 coup led by close friend Simon Mann has managed to get a £15m ceremonial...
Health and safety update the banned list
Britain's Health and Safety Executive have recently updated their banned list or household items that are no longer allowed in public buildings.
"The first item on the latest list," said Daisy Bump, chairman of the H&SE, "is welcome mats. Thes...
Rohypnol one of your five-a-day claims offender
Drink-spiking drug and racoon laxative, Rohypnol, actually counts as one of your five-a-day according to sometimes sex offender, Gavin McCloroform.
Gavin, a thirty-eight-year-old dietician from Cardiff, claims the drug is misunderstood and with t...
Iain Duncan Smith, tows party line, too scared to lose grey vote.
In a small article buried in between the adverts for fur lined microwave booties and comfy corduroy slacks in this months Grey Express, Iain Duncan Smith (IDS) has said that the elderly should hand back their benefits money. Of this IDS has said 'um,...
Mark Knopfler arrested for inappropriate remarks
Police have announced today that as part of the ongoing investigations into inappropriate behaviour of celebrities during the 70s and 80s that Mark Knopfler, lead singer and guitarist of the rock band Dire Straits, is the latest to be arrested.
"A...
Mail Works A Miracle
The Daily Mail is being praised by many for its contribution to uniting the Radical Left in Britain. This seemingly impossible task, clearly influenced by a special Iron Lady Spell, has made comrades of people who normally would cross the road rather...
Elections: No Change!
Yet again the British electorate have opted for the traditional election routine!
Some 70% registered their views with an equivocal silence. They did not vote!
Our reporters scoured the country for the majority non-voters. Joe Soap explained hi...
Spring unapologetic for striking over temperature cuts
Spring has refused to apologise for going on strike in Britain this year, instead citing immigrants, an unfortunate bout of Hepatitis B and government temperature cuts as a valid excuse for no longer giving a fuck whether elderly couples can drink Pi...
Latest Spoof UK Headlines
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Queen's speech in summary
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Did paedo Savile have his very own Cleveland-style dungeon?
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Rod Hull is still alive and in witness protection
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Joblessness could affect millions
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Isle of Wight News - Dog Walkers strike
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Bangladeshi Woman Rescued After 17 Days Buried in the Rubble Told to "Get Back to Work!"
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Scotland could take UK's place in the EU, says SNP
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Britain's Double Decker Buses To Be Replaced
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Atos canonised by the Catholic Church
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Evil Killer Cheese Chemical, Annato, Steals Pizza From Asthma Sufferers
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Health and safety update the banned list
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Derek Acorah arrested as part of operation Yo-Yo
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Gateshead Couple Fall on Hard Times
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Theresa May suspects she should remain anonymous until charged
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Glasgow Kiss For UKIP
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Kate Middleton garden gnome caught in lewd shagging act at Chelsea Flower Show
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Woman returns from shops empty-handed
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Gay Divorce yet to be legalised
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Man Has Both Legs Amputated In Revenge Wedding Prank
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Knock-and-run incident is suspected 'terror attack'
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