Written by Skoob1999
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Thursday, 6 September 2012

image for Local Woman Sells Husband For £1.99 Online
The Shuttlecock's Pet Golfish Was Unaffected By The Sale. Allegedly.

Local woman, Anne Shuttlecock, long suffering wife of renowned idiot, Martin Shuttlecock, today revealed that she has sold her intolerable other half for £1.99 online.

In a statement issued to reporters, Anne Shuttlecock revealed that the final straw with her husband came about during an argument about gravy. Of all things.

"He said that according to somebody named Ken Mither, proper gravy should be served with chips," Anne said. "I disagreed, and said that proper gravy is a delicacy and should be served principally with top quality traditional British roast dinners. Not with famine food like chips and pies and similar. So he went off upstairs with his bloody laptop and got into a right strop."

Anne went on to reveal that at this point, she made a nice cup of tea, and that upon reviewing the difference of opinion, she decided that the relationship with her husband was irretrievably broken.

"I've often said," she revealed. "In a jokey way, that I'll never understand how I allowed the daft sod to persuade me to marry him in the first place. I must have beeen drunk, or on drugs or something. In the end I just put him up for sale on eBay. When I got offered £1.99 from some woman in Cheltenham, I couldn't believe my luck! Thing is, he's useless. A right waste of space. All he ever does is drink beer and smoke cigarettes and tap away on his precious bloody laptop. He's a right boring old fart, and he doesn't know anything at all about gravy. So I've sold him. For £1.99 I've told him to pack his bags and piss off. To be honest with you, I'd have accepted 27p. I'll be glad to see the back of the dozy get. He's about as much use as a one eyed optician."

If contemporary reports are to be believed, Anne's revolutionary move is the first recorded instance of a husband being sold online for as little as £1.99

The current going rate for a useless husband is approximately £17.50

"She'll regret this," Shuttlecock told reporters as he left the family home with his worldly possessions in a Tesco carrier bag, and hobbled off to the bus stop. "You mark my words..."

"Yeah right!" Anne said with a smile. And a wave.

"You bitch!" Shuttlecock shouted as the paparazzi closed in on him. "And on me Spoofday too! Still, at least it isn't pissing down..."

At which point the heavens opened and a deluge of biblical proportions commenced.

Upon being appraised of the situation, the woman from Cheltenham told reporters: "I could always send him back as being unfit for purpose."

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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