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10#8731#IainB#41415.5838079#1#252264

Abbreviation Conference

Ths yrs conf on Abbrs & TxtSpk will B held at G-Mex M/c. Attnd's shd arv 30mins b4 drs open 2 Nsure a gd seat.

10#12156#Herrdoktorfox#41415.4199884#2#12224

Happiness

What a Gay day!

10#8731#IainB#41415.3001042#3#1026944

Atos Canonised

Atos, the French company tasked with assessing Britain's disabled people has been canonised, after announcing that 30,000 previously disabled people can now walk. That's a better return than Jesus.

10#6702#Simon Cockle#41415.2430787#4#732311

Mobile phones reunited with 'tele'

As from next year, mobile phones will have to be referred as mobile telephones in all advertising and documentation due to an EU ruling. This follows the decision to reassign the word wireless to radios.

10#14117#John_L#41414.6481944#5#103802

Chelsea Flower Show lifts ban on Gnomes

William Hague finally able to attend.

10#6112#Swan Morrison#41413.284294#6#100103

Tories Apologise To Mental Health Organisations Over Use Of Stigmatising Language

'Our activists should not be described as "mad, swivel-eyed loons",' said a spokesman, 'but rather as people with severe mental health problems who experience ocular complications.'

10#8731#IainB#41410.8743403#7#389267

History of Cross Dressing - part 1

Cross dressing in ancient times, before the invention of gender specific clothing, mainly involved shaving off the beard. This was considered a perversion by those who liked facial hair.

10#6112#Swan Morrison#41410.8073264#8#301582

Retirement 'Harmful To Health' Says The Institute For Economic Affairs (IEA)

'Also, poverty is healthy, but voting UKIP causes fatal illnesses,' said Mark Littlewood, IEA Director. 'The IEA is independent,' he added, 'we never manipulate public opinion to government agendas.'

10#8668#whatinthe world#41410.5550694#9#374384

News to hand

Mr Nigel Crackenthorpe of Lentle Lane Wandsworth has finally worked out how to enter his two bedroom home. He unlocked the front door and walked in. He now will work out how to get out again. Serious.

10#8668#whatinthe world#41410.5477662#10#654229

Poets to be deported

Budding poets are to be rounded up and excised from the general population in a PR move by the British government. "Yes, they will be shipped to South Georgia" said a spokesperson for David Cameron.

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