Print this

Monday, 28 November 2011

image for "We're all ****ed!" says leading Economist
Euros - can also double as toilet paper

Craig Moleunit, Britain's Leading Economist*, has spoken frankly about the state of the World Economy. He spoke candidly in a recent interview with business magazine 'World Accounting News Kite'.

"Basically, we're fucked! Screwed! Shagged! The debt crisis, the bank bailout, the collapse of the Euro, Inflation, the public sector cuts - It's all mounting up. It's like we've got a particularly nasty floater in the monetary toilet and the flush is broken - and B&Q isn't open till Monday."

Mr Moleunit was equally forthright about public sector cuts.

"Basically, it's like the public sector is a rent boy and the Government is a client - an extremely well-hung client. The public sector is going to have to grease up, bend over and bite on the debt-pillow! And even then the public sector may not be walking straight for some considerable time to come."

Mr Moleunit's comments come after a recent downgrade by ratings agency Effin and Jeffin, who have further downgraded the bonds of Italy, Spain and Greece. Spain's new grade is "Up Shit Creek without without a paddle!" Italy's is "Up Shit Creek without a paddle, no way back and taking in water at an alarming rate!" whilst Greece's bond rating is "AHAHAHAHHAHAHHAH! You're avin' a laugh!"

Although the outlook is gloomy, Mr Moleunit has some sage words of advice for ordinary savers.

"This is Moneygeddon. Savers need to batten down the hatches, bury their money in a lead-lined concrete bunker eight foot under ground and wait 5 million years for the toxic-debt radiation to dissipate. Literally!"

*Craig Moleunit is Fictional Adviser to the Bank of England

Make I think I'm funny...'s day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this


Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!


What's 1 multiplied by 5?

8 5 25 3

Go to top