Written by IainB
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Tuesday, 3 January 2012

image for Tinsel production problems threaten Christmas 2012
Oh Christmas Tree, Oh Christmas Tree, why are you tinselless?

Tinsel production has been hit by the floods in China and Korea to such an extent that there is expected to be a massive shortage in Christmas 2012.

"Over ninety percent of tinsel production is in just three factories in Korea and China," said Chris Decks, owner of Decor8, Europe's largest tinsel importer. "The Christmas just gone has wiped out all our current stocks."

According to Decks, unless tinsel production can be ramped up then Christmas 2012 will be a bare affair.

"Imagine Christmas trees without tinsel," said Decks. "How will computer monitors be made to be festive without tinsel? It will be a disaster, a catastrophe and the first sign of the apocalypse."

With news of the lack of tinsel, alternative plans are being drawn up to market glitter rope to the people of Europe.

"Glitter rope is very popular in Papua New Guinea," said Decks. "I think they could be a big hit in Europe. We just need the right ad campaign. We're thinking George Clooney or Kylie Minogue. Or both!"

To stave off a tinsel-free Christmas, it is advised that extra care be taken when putting away current tinsel.

"We suggest careful rolling," said Jenny Loom, head of Recycle for Our Children's Future, a charity that raises awareness of ways to recycle everything and anything for the future of children. "Put the tinsel in tins. Save it for next year. Too much good tinsel ends up in landfill. It's time it was reused!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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