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Tuesday, 28 August 2012

image for Shock as new operator for East Coast Mainline trains announced
on of the new, superfast, East Coast mainline trains

There was shock and horror on the faces of both the Sir Richard Branson/Stagecoach consortium and the First Group when it was decided by the government that they were now not awarding the east coast mainline rail franchise to either of them.

It was revealed today by transport minister Teresa N Rhodes that Mr F Controller, known as "Fat" to his friends, will be heading a consortium of trains under the brand "Hornby Model Railways".

Some of the trains that will be servicing the line include Thomas the Tank Engine, Edward the Blue Engine, Henry the Green Engine, Gordon the Big Engine and Percy the Small Engine.

Fat Controller went on to say that they were going to guarantee that, as previously, there will be plenty of standing room outside the toilets on the train for passengers out of London during peak times, all services will run at least 15 minutes late, and plenty of sub-standard and very expensive refreshments will be available on the train.

And for those who like to connect to the internet and look like they are really very serious and senior executives, but in reality, just want to log on to Facebook or illegally download copies of the remake of the film Total Recall, broadband will be available throughout each train. And only for a minor additional cost above the already over-priced train fare.

Tickets will, of course, be non transferable, so if you do catch an earlier and emptier train than your paid-for ticket time (providing you have a PhD in ticket pricing to enable you to decipher the pricing structure), you will of course have to either pay a huge difference, or be put off the train in Peterborough, which some say is a death worse than fate.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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