Funny story: Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Mr Salmond found the time out of his busy schedule to speak to ace Spoof reporter FBI AL over questions he is messing with 'The Union' purely to get his name in the history books. "Well of course it's nothing to do with me getting my name in lights or in the history books as the man who tried or succeeded in making Scotland an independent nation," said Salmond, "and in no way am I laying the gr...
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Off your Facebook

I find it ridiculous to accuse the glorious and magnificent all-powerful Facebook being of manipulating my emotions. I was logged in for an hour this morning and found it very enlightening to rapidly assimilate the Cyrillic alphabet. Must reach Kremlin. If my emotions were manipulated surely I'd be ecstatic that England are out of the World Cup and I'm not. Mainly because they are still in it acco...
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The life of a pound coin

In the week when the British economy returns to pre-crisis levels, we take a look at the life of a pound coin during a single week, in an attempt to explain why the British economy manages to be so dynamic. Our coin's tale begins with George Osbourne, as he spends our taxes to buy a Revolting Peasants cocktail at Jolly Cedric's Wank-Bar For Toffs. 20% of the cost goes to the taxman, so at the p...
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Funny story: Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Perhaps the most famous of the poets of World War One, Fred Jakes, is to be celebrated in a special service in the Somme this weekend. Jakes died there just seconds after the 1918 ceasefire which signalled the end of the war, from a bullet wound he had sustained a few minutes earlier. Jakes was a serving private in the trenches of the Western Front, where he wrote many of his best poems. Many o...
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Funny story: Twenty Signs to tell you that you are Dead

Twenty Signs to tell you that you are Dead

1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from. 2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you. 3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring. 4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
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A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato. Combine...
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A collection of Michael Owen's best tweets

Since joining Twitter the former football player and now commentator Michael Owen has shared his insights into life. Find below some of the nuggets of interest- It's Friday night! Think I might treat myself to a glass of water - I deserve it Good to see out of some of the football matches played today, several of them had winners. Football on later. Hopefully we'll see plenty of ball kic...
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Funny story: The 5 Best Computer Games of the 80s

The 5 Best Computer Games of the 80s

In the early 1980s, computers were larger than TV sets and had less power than today's mobile phones, but they provided a unique new form of entertainment to a select group of lucky nerds. By the end of the decade, it was a multi-thousand pound industry which was beginning to mushroom into the video game entertainment juggernaut which sucks the life from so many souls daily today. We take a nostal...
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Breaking News...

Direct Debits now to include non - Human customers

A Snowman has had his Direct Debit set - up with a London Bank, even though he may melt before March 2015.
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Funny story: Ryder Cup Congratulations

Ryder Cup Congratulations

Congratulations to the European team for winning the Ryder Cup at Gleneagles, Scotland. Yeah, right! The top players from several European nations played against the United States. Sure. As though the European countries didn't already outnumber the United States, the Scots must have had the golf course hot-wired for their European team. When you see a golf ball headed for the cow past...
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Funny story: Channel 6 tonight

Channel 6 tonight

Here is the TV schedule for Channel 6 this evening. 4.00. Lesbian Racing From Ascot. 6.00. Jurassic Countdown Can the contestants solve the conundrum before a T-Rex devours Rachel Riley? 6.30. Come Dine With ME The four chronic fatigue sufferers try to have dinner together. Who will fall asleep first? 7.00. The Best Videos From the Internet Chris Moyles introduces a series of hilar...
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Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

I. S. Wallow Asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain. My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me ei...
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Funny story: More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

Global warming "heretics" have today announced that: THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE HAS STOPPED RISING Since 1998 - more than a decade - the record, as determined by observations from satellites and balloon radiosondes, shows no discernible warming. Heretics who print or repeat these findings are to be burned at the stake on the next market day. The year 1998 was exceptionally warm because of a...
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Funny story: Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Pensioner Gunned Down in London

Paddy O'Flynn had had enough it seems. He had decided to apply to his local housing authority for help with his rent having vacated his old house and moved into a rented apartment in Clapham Common, South London. That is where his troubles began. His wife Caitlin takes up the story. "They sent him a form to fill in. It was thick as the London Times. For three months he tried to figure it o...
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Funny story: The Hope and Dreams of Kim Jong Un--Part II

The Hope and Dreams of Kim Jong Un--Part II

Pyongyang, North Korea Rotund leader of North Korea Kim Jong Un, after completing his tap dance lesson, went to continue his in-depth interview with Dennis Rodman as his interpreter. "I wanted to clear up another misconception about me. I hardly play video games anymore except for Grand Theft Auto. I wish the media would stop portraying me as a spoiled brat who always gets his own way or I'm g...
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Funny story: World War One's Greatest Weapon

World War One's Greatest Weapon

World War One was a conflict. It featured some of the greatest weapons ever invented, including the first usage of the aeroplane, the tank and the machine gun in a major war. However, there is one weapon that was used during WW1 which has been largely overlooked, but which probably affected the outcome more than any other. It is of course, the inflatable toilet catapult. Inflatable toilets w...
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Funny story: Weird Survey

Weird Survey

In a weird survey conducted by Harvard's Neuroscience Department some interesting findings are being discussed. College and University students were asked to list in descending order WHO THEY WOULD LEAST WANT TO BE AS THEY BREATHED THEIR LAST. The most recurring choices were... 1. Henry Kissinger. 2. Barack Obama 3. George Bush Senior. 4. George Bush Junior. 5. Donald Rumsfeld. 6. Tony Bla...
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Clifford Rutley
Clifford Rutley
Joined: 29 December 2007
Stories Written: 88

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