Funny story: This Country's Gone to the Dogs Innit?

This Country's Gone to the Dogs Innit?

We have lost our bloody way as a nation we have. Our country has become infiltrated by joyless snobbish lefties, filthy immigrants, rampant homosexuals who are up for anything and miserable and fat feminists. What happened to the good old days innit? The good old days of Only Fools and Horses, Rolf Harris, Rod Stewart, The National Front, It It Ain't Half Hot Mum, New Faces, Jim'll Fix It, Dav...
View 'This Country's Gone to the Dogs Innit?'

Theresa May: "We must Engage with the Moderate Homosexual Community"

Apparently, because Theresa May is from the Conservative Party, she has the dispiriting responsibility of reluctantly assimilating individuals in a rather more blunt and crude way than Labour or Lib Dems. So she has sworn to "engage with the moderate homosexual community," in order to ensure that gay people do not cause any more "chaos, subversion and aesthetic terrorism." As a Conservative,...
View 'Theresa May: "We must Engage with the Moderate Homosexual Community"'

Weasel News Bigots Backtrack on Offensive "Reddit SJW" Accusations

Shona Grammy and Super Bill Frieli from Weasel News broke down in tears yesterday when they realized that the people they had been dismissing for years as "Whiney, crybaby Reddit SJWs" were actually people just like them. Shona Grammy sobbed, "All this time, I thought these people were, you know, like Obamabots or something, who had been planted as fake personas to bring socialism, pro-womanism...
View 'Weasel News Bigots Backtrack on Offensive "Reddit SJW" Accusations'
Funny story: The Big Woop's Nefarious Plot to Undermine Capitalism

The Big Woop's Nefarious Plot to Undermine Capitalism

The national magazine sold exclusively by the homeless, Big Woop, has faced many damning criticisms in its time. Allegations abound of aggressive selling techniques which are harming the Universal Beltway Interest of Our Common Humanity and/or that of the Golden Pigsty (or, if you prefer, of the Houses of Perishing in Warminster). And you have you forgotten already about the millions of peo...
View 'The Big Woop's Nefarious Plot to Undermine Capitalism'
Funny story: However do the get away with it? Ask the bankers!

However do the get away with it? Ask the bankers!

CIA (cockroach Infiltration Army) HQ deep down in the vaults of the Rothschild Bank, Geneva, Switzerland, has just relayed this astonishing news scoop overheard between Herr Rudolf Liechenstein-Hoeness (no relation) and a senior director of the scandalous tax-avoiding bank, you know the one! CIA star reporter, Willy-Untermensch-Goebbels, crept between the hand-made, shiny leather shoes of the 2...
View 'However do the get away with it? Ask the bankers!'

Religion Drives Man Crazy

On the evidence of the witness who inhabited the flat beneath the defendant's the judge had no hesitation but to refer the defendant for psychiatric evaluation. The charges of malicious damage to property and disturbing the peace were dropped on compassionate grounds. The judge had reached the decision after questioning the witness thoroughly and allowing his tape recording of the events leadi...
View 'Religion Drives Man Crazy'

Yannis Varoufakis, the tieless Greek Finance Minister

Here, at Vacuous Mag's Beauty Desk, we're more concerned with the Superficial, than the Real.....We asked Yannis Varoufakis, the newly elected Greek Finance Minister, about his motorbike, colour coordination and sex-life. Vacuous : Hi Yannis Yannis : Good afternoon V : You turned up to Downing St on a motorbike, shave head and leather jacket, with electric blue shirt....are you the...
View 'Yannis Varoufakis, the tieless Greek Finance Minister'
Funny story: The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever

The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever

How many of these embarrassing moments have you experienced? 1. Being fired for "total incompetence" in front of all your colleagues. 2. Accidentally stumbling across your new bride screwing her ex-beau on a snooker table during your wedding reception while you were searching the hotel rooms for the surprise honeymoon gift you had been keeping for her for months; a whirlwind trip for two to...
View 'The Most Embarrassing Moments Ever'
Breaking News...

BBC Springwatch to get makeover

With the return of Hunting with Hounds in the Queens Speech, Springwatch will now be presented by Jeremy Clarkson and feature footage of dogs ripping Foxes and Badgers to death.
Increase speedPlayback speedIncrease speed Help
Skip backwardsPausePlaySkip forward


 
Funny story: Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

CIA HQ under a tanning bed in a wellness hotel somewhere in a posh part of London has just sent this life threatening report! Jaggedone's CIA star lifestyle reporter, Shaggy Daddy-Brownlegs, has crawled out of the gutter into a very posh wellness hotel and brown, white Caucasian x-treme tanner, Laura May McMullan, told him, whilst lying under the sun yet again, the following story. Well it a...
View 'Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?'
Funny story: Is the End of Storytelling the End of Humankind?

Is the End of Storytelling the End of Humankind?

A prominent member and spokesperson of the Trans-national Storytelling League has spoken out against all future planned governmental actions saying, 'I'm warning you, it will be the end of storytelling which is equivalent to saying, it will be the end of humankind.' Sufficiently aroused by his outburst, we sent in Simon Lingtorpe to interview Mr.Muse at his London home. S.L: Mr.Muse, which g...
View 'Is the End of Storytelling the End of Humankind?'
Funny story: Hugh Hefner Liquefies

Hugh Hefner Liquefies

America woke up this morning to the news that their global sex guru Hugh Hefner had passed away. It is not so much the fact of his passing, for he was approaching his 89th birthday on April... but the manner. Our reporter for "U2R-FKD" followed the story. His housemaid for this month Eileen Dover who wishes to be known simply as "Miss February" broke the news. "Well, I went up to his bedroom as...
View 'Hugh Hefner Liquefies'
Funny story: England ban smoking in cars (Well suck my exhaust!)

England ban smoking in cars (Well suck my exhaust!)

CIA HQ reporting from a dilapidated council flat in downtown Moss Side, Manchester - Newsflash: Smoking in cars to be banned in England! CIA health reporter, Ciggy Tarlung-Woodbine, has sent this report from the back of a Ford Cortina with a smokey past parked up in Moss Side, a no-go-smoke-free-zone The ministry of health has decided to ban smoking in cars in England from October 2015, they...
View 'England ban smoking in cars (Well suck my exhaust!)'
Funny story: Fascism... Communism... What's the Diff?

Fascism... Communism... What's the Diff?

The following is taken verbatim from the George. W. Bush Institute's website (www.bushcenter.org). It's avowed aim is to spread the growth of what it calls 'freedom' around the world. In other words, the world belongs exclusively to America and no country can imagine it has the right to govern itself or think to escape its all-controlling hegemony. Of North Korea it says.... "More than 24 mi...
View 'Fascism... Communism... What's the Diff?'
Funny story: 10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

1. I left my wallet at home. 2. Gee, you remind me of my mother. 3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass. 4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan. 5. Love is not sex. 6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do? 7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
View '10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date'
Funny story: Britain begs US to keep Boris Johnson!

Britain begs US to keep Boris Johnson!

CIA HQ in London has just received a newsflash from the Mayor's residence. Boris Johnson kept his mouth shut for 1 second and only hot air came out, astonishing! Star CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) snob reporter, Sir Cock of Roachford, infiltrated Bo Jo's boudoir through his pink coloured en-suite bog, and found him standing naked (not a pretty sight) in front of the mirror singing the US...
View 'Britain begs US to keep Boris Johnson!'
Funny story: Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Scientists in Britain have found that heavy snoring or "sleep apnoea" can lead to psychopathic serial killing, paedophilia, joining the Freemasons and persuading entire nations to go to war against targeted little countries like Iraq that are rich in resources and helpless in defence. Notable heavy snorers were Caligula, Hitler, Rip Van Winkle, Julius Caesar, Marlene Dietrich, Doris Day, Pope...
View 'Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.'

Interested in writing your own spoof news stories like these?

Yes, tell me more!

Profile Featured Writer

j.w.
j.w.
Joined: 04 June 2010
Stories Written: 841

Seven day catch up

Check out anything you've missed with the archive:

70 readers are online right now!

Go to top