Funny story: 50 things you must do in Britain before you die

50 things you must do in Britain before you die

Travel agency GetMeTheF***OutOfHere has compiled a list of the fifty things that every British person should do before he or she dies. The list is intended to increase tourism to the UK as well as boosting some of our best known exports. It includes many experiences which British people will commonly do at some time in their life. Foreigners and tourists may wonder about some of the items, but...
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Man Loses The Plot

Imagine walking through town. You have a beard. The beard sits on your face. You realise this and so turn to look into a shoppe window hoping to catch a glimpse of you with your beard. There it is you think, still there. Anyway after this you turn a corner (as corners are notoriously difficult to navigate if one keeps walking in the same direction) and all of a sudden you are confronted with a her...
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The Doctor Will See You Now

The most noble doctor of good standing and wealth you should see once a month if you're in bad health. He'll knock out the lights and just in one word instantly removes your vision with worms. He'll put you in a trance make you water his plants and whilst operating he'll play music and dance. All manner of disorders including head and the brain are dealt with quite easily in excruciating pain.
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Funny story: BBC Top Gear special 'Pope my Ride'

BBC Top Gear special 'Pope my Ride'

In honour of canonising Popes John Paul II and John XXII, the BBC are advertising, every hour on the hour, seemingly forever, a blockbuster Top Gear special to be screened this week. The job-lot of saints John are to be celebrated with an action-packed epic of irreverent and barely legal japery. With His Holiness Pope Francis as the star guest, the team undertake an engineering Health and Safet...
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Funny story: I'm a saint

I'm a saint

I'm a saint. No, it's true! I just heard it on the News. Pope Francis has declared me a saint. Miracles are second nature to me. As I write, adoring hordes are beating their way to the door of my bungalow because I have experienced miracles. It's a miracle I'm still alive after that near miss with the articulated lorry at that road junction near Gerona in Spain with Dennis and Gordon in Dennis's A...
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So Easy Even a Man Can Do It - Parking Guide

Husbands - forget embarrassing parallel parking mess - ups, getting into trouble in the supermarket car park, scuffing your wife's expensive alloy wheels and banging the car door onto the next one while struggling to squeeze your beer gut out of the driver's door. Here's our confidence boosting parking advice: 1) Get touch up paint to keep in your "Man Bag". 2) Superglue giant cats whiskers...
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Doesn't that itch?

Vaginas. They have really stood the test of time and remain as popular today as they ever were. Possibly even more so and it's hardly surprising. Us guys don't have them, and the girls that do don't always want us to see them. This only adds to our fascination, and then we read ladies magazines and discover there are loads of different ways girls can embellish their vaginas! It's no wonder we're a...
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Funny story: Off your Facebook

Off your Facebook

I find it ridiculous to accuse the glorious and magnificent all-powerful Facebook being of manipulating my emotions. I was logged in for an hour this morning and found it very enlightening to rapidly assimilate the Cyrillic alphabet. Must reach Kremlin. If my emotions were manipulated surely I'd be ecstatic that England are out of the World Cup and I'm not. Mainly because they are still in it acco...
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Breaking News...

Chain, Chain, Chains!

Operation Yewtree officers investigating discovery of three old ladies found locked in the lavatory in Yeovil circa 1937!

Funny story: The life of a pound coin

The life of a pound coin

In the week when the British economy returns to pre-crisis levels, we take a look at the life of a pound coin during a single week, in an attempt to explain why the British economy manages to be so dynamic. Our coin's tale begins with George Osbourne, as he spends our taxes to buy a Revolting Peasants cocktail at Jolly Cedric's Wank-Bar For Toffs. 20% of the cost goes to the taxman, so at the p...
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Funny story: A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato. Combine...
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Funny story: Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Perhaps the most famous of the poets of World War One, Fred Jakes, is to be celebrated in a special service in the Somme this weekend. Jakes died there just seconds after the 1918 ceasefire which signalled the end of the war, from a bullet wound he had sustained a few minutes earlier. Jakes was a serving private in the trenches of the Western Front, where he wrote many of his best poems. Many o...
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Funny story: Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Mr Salmond found the time out of his busy schedule to speak to ace Spoof reporter FBI AL over questions he is messing with 'The Union' purely to get his name in the history books. "Well of course it's nothing to do with me getting my name in lights or in the history books as the man who tried or succeeded in making Scotland an independent nation," said Salmond, "and in no way am I laying the gr...
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Funny story: World Cup Live Commentary

World Cup Live Commentary

During the World Cup Finals, we've seen a lot of good matches, but none have been more exciting than Japan vs Greece. Here we are with live commentary from Barry Testes and Gary Ovum. Barry: Whether you like the Japanese game or you prefer it Greek style, we've got plenty on show for you tonight. You join us for the second half kick-off, the game currently standing at an exhilarating 0-0. And i...
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Funny story: The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

To celebrate the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look back at some of the all time greats of football. Those players who have stood out from the crowd and made a real impact on the game. Here are TheSpoof's five best World Cup footballers of all time. 5. "Wee Eck" McSmith The diminutive Scottish centre forward was considered the best footballer in the world back in 1974, in the days when Scotla...
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Funny story: THE Booch of THE Loud Goj

THE Booch of THE Loud Goj

Lore! Speighk Mouses as he stanp aboven over hall peipule on his (it's) hell, clapping two timey baldy's with reel forfar and mites! Did thast not tillt that if thoi bayleaf yow wold seat yore wince troube saerfjour, adverturley? Goj walk special in evy dei und evvy weight. Him lies on sandy as a crator wretching him menanwomban frillock innernaround him gurrdjin. But thei shuld bay spayed on,...
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Funny story: Pinstickers' Guide To Aintree Grand National

Pinstickers' Guide To Aintree Grand National

1. TIDAL BAY (IRE) 13 11-10 Form: 121-1532 Paul Nichols/Sam Twiston-Davies THIS 13 year-old's 16/1 odds are staggeringly generous, considering. Publishing his telephone number alongside racing details maybe a mistake. 2. LONG RUN (FR) 9 11-09 Form: 132-54U1 Nicky Henderson/Sam Waley-Cohen Frankly over-rated at 16/1, his long run could well end tit over arse at Beechers. 3. HUNT BA...
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Smeared Inc.
Smeared Inc.
Joined: 24 February 2005
Stories Written: 6

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