Funny story: Theresa May: "We must Engage with the Moderate Homosexual Community"

Theresa May: "We must Engage with the Moderate Homosexual Community"

Apparently, because Theresa May is from the Conservative Party, she has the dispiriting responsibility of reluctantly assimilating individuals in a rather more blunt and crude way than Labour or Lib Dems. So she has sworn to "engage with the moderate homosexual community," in order to ensure that gay people do not cause any more "chaos, subversion and aesthetic terrorism." As a Conservative,...
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However do the get away with it? Ask the bankers!

CIA (cockroach Infiltration Army) HQ deep down in the vaults of the Rothschild Bank, Geneva, Switzerland, has just relayed this astonishing news scoop overheard between Herr Rudolf Liechenstein-Hoeness (no relation) and a senior director of the scandalous tax-avoiding bank, you know the one! CIA star reporter, Willy-Untermensch-Goebbels, crept between the hand-made, shiny leather shoes of the 2...
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10 Things Not to Say on Your First Date

1. I left my wallet at home. 2. Gee, you remind me of my mother. 3. I have a slight touch of Ebola but it will pass. 4. I think George W. Bush is probably one of this century's greatest leaders next to Tony Blair and the late great Ronald Reagan. 5. Love is not sex. 6. My dad is a funeral director. That's why I work in health insurance. What do you do? 7. If I was a woman I'd sta...
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Funny story: Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

Look like Jordan burnt to a crisp under a sunbed, is it really worth it?

CIA HQ under a tanning bed in a wellness hotel somewhere in a posh part of London has just sent this life threatening report! Jaggedone's CIA star lifestyle reporter, Shaggy Daddy-Brownlegs, has crawled out of the gutter into a very posh wellness hotel and brown, white Caucasian x-treme tanner, Laura May McMullan, told him, whilst lying under the sun yet again, the following story. Well it a...
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Funny story: Is the End of Storytelling the End of Humankind?

Is the End of Storytelling the End of Humankind?

A prominent member and spokesperson of the Trans-national Storytelling League has spoken out against all future planned governmental actions saying, 'I'm warning you, it will be the end of storytelling which is equivalent to saying, it will be the end of humankind.' Sufficiently aroused by his outburst, we sent in Simon Lingtorpe to interview Mr.Muse at his London home. S.L: Mr.Muse, which g...
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Hugh Hefner Liquefies

America woke up this morning to the news that their global sex guru Hugh Hefner had passed away. It is not so much the fact of his passing, for he was approaching his 89th birthday on April... but the manner. Our reporter for "U2R-FKD" followed the story. His housemaid for this month Eileen Dover who wishes to be known simply as "Miss February" broke the news. "Well, I went up to his bedroom as...
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England ban smoking in cars (Well suck my exhaust!)

CIA HQ reporting from a dilapidated council flat in downtown Moss Side, Manchester - Newsflash: Smoking in cars to be banned in England! CIA health reporter, Ciggy Tarlung-Woodbine, has sent this report from the back of a Ford Cortina with a smokey past parked up in Moss Side, a no-go-smoke-free-zone The ministry of health has decided to ban smoking in cars in England from October 2015, they...
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Funny story: 10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

10 Most Common Reasons for Divorce

In a survey conducted in twenty American prisons concerning the relationship between crime and marriage break-up, it was concluded that one of the main problems in relationships was language. Communication problems all devolved to the contrary understanding of the meaning of words. The comprehension of words however was mediated by false beliefs and values that were inherently pernicious or i...
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Breaking News...

Greece to record their own version of the Grease soundtrack in attempt to solve debt crisis.

Tracks include:

Euro the One that I Want,
Hopelessly Devoted to the EU,
Greeced Banking,
Blue Doom,
It's Raining On Referendum Night,

& the timeless classic,

Economics School Dropout.
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Funny story: White Power morons march in Manchester!

White Power morons march in Manchester!

Now in a city normally divided by red and blue, a bunch of Nazi skinheads thought it would be prudent to introduce a slightly paler colour to the place by marching through the city claiming White Power is not dead! Please excuse me if I am wrong, but we are now in 2015 and not 1966, etc. We live in a multi-culti world that has been enhanced by Asian, African, Arabian, etc, ethnic minorities int...
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Funny story: A.C. Grayling's Ungodly War On Children's Toys

A.C. Grayling's Ungodly War On Children's Toys

Most people would surely think there's nothing wrong with kids playing with fuzzy puppies, rabbits, giraffes, and all kinds of animals, and that it's all very innocent. But not everyone from the "notable public figure community" agrees. Yes: renowned postmodernist cultural critic/secular humanist deconstructionist/ atheist fundamentalist A. C. Grayling is concerned that not all cuddly toys...
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Funny story: Britain begs US to keep Boris Johnson!

Britain begs US to keep Boris Johnson!

CIA HQ in London has just received a newsflash from the Mayor's residence. Boris Johnson kept his mouth shut for 1 second and only hot air came out, astonishing! Star CIA (Cockroach Infiltration Army) snob reporter, Sir Cock of Roachford, infiltrated Bo Jo's boudoir through his pink coloured en-suite bog, and found him standing naked (not a pretty sight) in front of the mirror singing the US...
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Funny story: Jean-Claude Juncker Admits to Despising the EU AND Europe

Jean-Claude Juncker Admits to Despising the EU AND Europe

Every one's favourite cognac-admiring Eurocrat, Jean-Claude Juncker, has made some surprising revelations to a famously objective UK media outlet. You know what, I actually can't stand the EU and Europe! The renowned deconstructor of achingly right-wing/left wing stereotypes and mutual antagonisms cantankerously continues: I mean, seriously! This is the one continent in the world where...
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Funny story: Sepp's Main Aim

Sepp's Main Aim

With the re-election of Sepp Blatter as head of the mafia Back and to the Left news travelled to Switzerland to visit the man himself. After passing more security than a secret research facility we were taken to a giant pool room. Half naked beauties bathed in a pool of champagne and frolicked under waterfalls of gold flecked water. We would have given them a wave but that would be a breach of...
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Funny story: Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Snoring... More Deadly than Ebola.

Scientists in Britain have found that heavy snoring or "sleep apnoea" can lead to psychopathic serial killing, paedophilia, joining the Freemasons and persuading entire nations to go to war against targeted little countries like Iraq that are rich in resources and helpless in defence. Notable heavy snorers were Caligula, Hitler, Rip Van Winkle, Julius Caesar, Marlene Dietrich, Doris Day, Pope...
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Funny story: UKIP First: Naughty Nigel Tired, Gets Words Mixed Up

UKIP First: Naughty Nigel Tired, Gets Words Mixed Up

UKIP's Naughty Nigel has made a few blunders in a recent notable humanitarian agitprop outlet. Now, I do warn you that I'm a little tired today; or indeed, fatigué, cansado, distrutto... See, I said it in French and some other languages that foreigners speak, so TECHNICALLY, I'm not being racist. Indeed, if anything, I'm being rather less racist than, say, the GENUINE BIGOT Tommy Robins...
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Funny story: 10 Signs You May be in a Bad Marriage

10 Signs You May be in a Bad Marriage

1. He beats you up. 2. He doesn't beat you up. If he really loved you he would beat you up like your first husband... whom you should never have left but had to... because he beat you up. 3. You are not Jane enough to his Tarzan. 4. He is not Tarzan enough to your Jane. 5. He only married you for your money. 6. She only married you for your money. 7. He lusts after other women.
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Jack Battler
Jack Battler
Joined: 01 March 2007
Stories Written: 36

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