Funny story: Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Salmond's Scotland For Independence

Mr Salmond found the time out of his busy schedule to speak to ace Spoof reporter FBI AL over questions he is messing with 'The Union' purely to get his name in the history books. "Well of course it's nothing to do with me getting my name in lights or in the history books as the man who tried or succeeded in making Scotland an independent nation," said Salmond, "and in no way am I laying the gr...
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Man Loses The Plot

Imagine walking through town. You have a beard. The beard sits on your face. You realise this and so turn to look into a shoppe window hoping to catch a glimpse of you with your beard. There it is you think, still there. Anyway after this you turn a corner (as corners are notoriously difficult to navigate if one keeps walking in the same direction) and all of a sudden you are confronted with a her...
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Doesn't that itch?

Vaginas. They have really stood the test of time and remain as popular today as they ever were. Possibly even more so and it's hardly surprising. Us guys don't have them, and the girls that do don't always want us to see them. This only adds to our fascination, and then we read ladies magazines and discover there are loads of different ways girls can embellish their vaginas! It's no wonder we're a...
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Funny story: Off your Facebook

Off your Facebook

I find it ridiculous to accuse the glorious and magnificent all-powerful Facebook being of manipulating my emotions. I was logged in for an hour this morning and found it very enlightening to rapidly assimilate the Cyrillic alphabet. Must reach Kremlin. If my emotions were manipulated surely I'd be ecstatic that England are out of the World Cup and I'm not. Mainly because they are still in it acco...
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Funny story: The life of a pound coin

The life of a pound coin

In the week when the British economy returns to pre-crisis levels, we take a look at the life of a pound coin during a single week, in an attempt to explain why the British economy manages to be so dynamic. Our coin's tale begins with George Osbourne, as he spends our taxes to buy a Revolting Peasants cocktail at Jolly Cedric's Wank-Bar For Toffs. 20% of the cost goes to the taxman, so at the p...
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A Short History Of Yorkshire Croquet

Yorkshire Savoury Croquet, popularised by John Prescott, is a game played on a large lawn. Equipment consists of long handled mallets, two sets of balls and some hoops pressed into the grass. It is quite hard to play when inebriated, but larger beer hoops are used in this instance. The croquet balls are made from a mixture of chopped, cooked bacon. small cheese cubes and mashed potato. Combine...
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Fred Jakes' World War One poetry to be celebrated

Perhaps the most famous of the poets of World War One, Fred Jakes, is to be celebrated in a special service in the Somme this weekend. Jakes died there just seconds after the 1918 ceasefire which signalled the end of the war, from a bullet wound he had sustained a few minutes earlier. Jakes was a serving private in the trenches of the Western Front, where he wrote many of his best poems. Many o...
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Funny story: Twenty Signs to tell you that you are Dead

Twenty Signs to tell you that you are Dead

1. You think 'your' thoughts are worse than anybody else's. You have not thought about where 'your' thoughts have come from. 2. You are scared the people you respect and who respect you may find out and abandon you. 3. Killing people is okay, you believe, and your favourite movies are all about heroes and the relentless murder they bring. 4. You think sex is love because that is what they...
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Breaking News...

Scotland's leader Alex Salmond quits after 'no' vote on independence

An insufferable second career on Strictly Come Dancing beckons....


 
Funny story: Channel 6 tonight

Channel 6 tonight

Here is the TV schedule for Channel 6 this evening. 4.00. Lesbian Racing From Ascot. 6.00. Jurassic Countdown Can the contestants solve the conundrum before a T-Rex devours Rachel Riley? 6.30. Come Dine With ME The four chronic fatigue sufferers try to have dinner together. Who will fall asleep first? 7.00. The Best Videos From the Internet Chris Moyles introduces a series of hilar...
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Funny story: The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

The greatest World Cup footballers of all time

To celebrate the World Cup in Brazil, we take a look back at some of the all time greats of football. Those players who have stood out from the crowd and made a real impact on the game. Here are TheSpoof's five best World Cup footballers of all time. 5. "Wee Eck" McSmith The diminutive Scottish centre forward was considered the best footballer in the world back in 1974, in the days when Scotla...
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Funny story: World Cup Live Commentary

World Cup Live Commentary

During the World Cup Finals, we've seen a lot of good matches, but none have been more exciting than Japan vs Greece. Here we are with live commentary from Barry Testes and Gary Ovum. Barry: Whether you like the Japanese game or you prefer it Greek style, we've got plenty on show for you tonight. You join us for the second half kick-off, the game currently standing at an exhilarating 0-0. And i...
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Funny story: Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

Auntie Jean Advises I.S. Wallow From Upper Thong Whether Or Not To Come In Out Of The Rain

I. S. Wallow Asks: Dear Auntie Jean, I am sitting in my best clothes in wet mud in a torrential downpour in the garden. Normally despite being an otherwise intelligent human being, I ask my mother whether or not to come in out of the rain. My mother tells me I have no common sense. I have a horrific cough and what seems to be pneumonia. My mother is not speaking to me so will not tell me ei...
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Funny story: Virus on the loose!

Virus on the loose!

The much feared and regularly used Trojan virus has almost turned the peotle of brittle into jabbering rex. They are almost ruined! The virus, which originated from the bowels of Sir Daleks Ferguson's corrupted memory system, was at first only intended for his Manchester United successor David Moyes, but it has spun wildly out of control, right across the country, like a wildfire! Its next...
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Funny story: Man with Minus Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Points on Spoof demands a Recount

Man with Minus Three Hundred and Fifty Thousand Points on Spoof demands a Recount

"Admittedly I wrote most of it while drunk but expected so much more. Perhaps an IKEA voucher for those meatballs". "Our journalists are very important to us" said the online tabloid "It keeps punters clicking on adverts for shoes and stuff." "But why am I not already taking cocaine off the smalls of super models' backs, like those sacked Barclays people I just wrote about last time? I mea...
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Funny story: More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

More Chilling Evidence For Global Warming Big Freeze Up

Global warming "heretics" have today announced that: THE AVERAGE TEMPERATURE HAS STOPPED RISING Since 1998 - more than a decade - the record, as determined by observations from satellites and balloon radiosondes, shows no discernible warming. Heretics who print or repeat these findings are to be burned at the stake on the next market day. The year 1998 was exceptionally warm because of a...
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Funny story: A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

A party political poem on behalf of the Neanderthal Independence Party

We in the Neanderthal Independence Party (NIP) feel threatened by Homo Sapiens They may cause our lives not to have happy ends The Neanderthal Independence Party says we are culturally unique Though we're a little low-brow and evolutionarily weak We have more grass roots support than Neanderthal Labour And we'll try to reduce casual sex with our neighbours The Neanderthal Health Servic...
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Smeared Inc.
Smeared Inc.
Joined: 24 February 2005
Stories Written: 6

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