Written by Matt Brown
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Thursday, 3 October 2013

Here are two long long Chrisbus lettuce

Dir Simon

Horp yore havving a spivving time in the countryside, we know that you are. Just a little spiggy about us. Dad's had a shave and is the usual chips off the old bloke he's always been, Mary really is a grate size now but we horpe she won't bust before you arrive. Josie needs embalming after her accident and Ken (minus tail) won a lorry full of spark plugs. We have some high inspectors aftar meeting your borther Chuckie lasst Chrust.

Anyway well life doesn't owe you a living does it now, how do you like them oranges (origins?).

All our Louvre
The Family

Dear family

Can't says I echo your sentinels but I suppose it is that time of ear. To passt the time I'm writing this book you should soon hear from I assume. It is about my struggle and the squalid conditions in which I am forced to live. It's a penny farthing with a nice picky on the frinj. They tell us there are plenty of us to go around in Brummingham, I should be so lucky hehehe.

Can't weight to moove in now and all my stuffing is packed in a bogs and I am saying some sad goobies and hearty to my chumb.

I'm going now as I am starting to blubber (convulse) and it is not write to writ like theis.

See you soon (Shouldn't have said that)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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