MANCHESTER - An unemployed poet named Chippington Vexhill, 66, informed his grandmother Dulcinea Vexhill, 102, that as he was reading his copy of The Manchester Morning Manc he suddenly looked down at his plate and got a bit of a fright.
Vexhill said that he had to do a double take, ala Benny Hill, as right there in the middle of his blueberry crumpet he clearly saw an image of one of Pippa Middleton's breasts.
Mr. Vexhill, who will be 67, next Wednesday, told Brompton Boxgrove of Tickety Boo News that he knows the breast belonged to Miss Pippa because he had seen a photo of both her boobies on the Internet at www.pippaspuppies.tit.
Boxgrove asked him if he kept the crumpet. Vexhill said that when he saw the image on the crumpet, he told his grandmother, who was sitting in the living room to come look at his crumpet.
She replied that she was too busy knitting him a pair of underwear to stop what she was doing to take a look.
Vexhill said that he decided to get up and to go to her and show her. Chippington said that he had barely taken three steps when he accidentally stepped on their pet cat, Duchess Fluffy IV.
The cat let out a yell which scared the hell out of Vexhill, who dropped the plate with the crumpet on it. The plate landed on a chair and the crumpet landed right on top of the family dog, Sir Bobby Bollocks.
Sir Bobby Bollocks immediately ate the crumpet and the proof. Grandma Dulcinea heard all of the commotion and told her grandson to stop playing around with the pets and bring her a glass of Stella Artois as soon as humanly possible.
Chippington Vexhill told Brompton Boxgrove that if he doesn't find a poet's job in Manchester pretty soon he may have to travel to Liverpool and see about finding a poet's job there.