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Tuesday, 31 July 2012

image for Empty Settees due to Lack of Olympic Coverage
A half empty settee and the struggle for coverage.

The scourge of empty seats which are somewhat tarnishing the Olympics came into sharp focus again today. An Olympic watchdog has said too many settees are still far too empty.

Lord Coe vented his frustrations at the eyesore he encounters when snooping in people's houses through high tech camera equipment from a circling helicopter. "It's a real shame if people can't get at least every cushion seat on their settee's covered. We're not asking for the world, 3 people for a 3 seater is perfect. Sure, in an ideal world people would be bunched up, sitting on the arms of settees, but to fill your lounge seating allocation - I think is a minimum." He refuted suggestions that he has misunderstood the situation by saying "quarter past three? Tally ho!"

He also voiced concerns over a few instances he intruded upon where people, despite sitting in the comfort of their own home, would choose NOT to watch the Olympics, "It's certainly disappointing that people would so flagrantly make up their own minds as to what to watch on television. I think it just angers people who have vested interests in the Olympics succeeding. These people would gladly take control of these people's remote controls and use their settees for the right reasons."

One resident, who was exposed sitting all alone on a FOUR seater across from an empty two and a single, hit back, "I think it's a bit harsh, if the Olympics were freely available then perhaps I would watch it, but coverage is so hard to come by. What with only BBC1, BBC2 and BBC3 and the BBC Olympic channel 1, BBC Olympic channel 2...BBC Olympic channel 23 and BBC Olympic channel 24, and the red button BBC coverage, and the BBC online stream, and the BBC radio coverage, it's difficult to track any action down. I mean what channel's it even on?"

As reported, troops have again came to the rescue with as many as 7,000 being sent to living rooms around the nation to sit on under allocated settees.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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