Written by Sidney Bollocks
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Monday, 3 September 2012

image for Yorkshire Ripper Museum Opens
The Special Edition Peter Sutcliffe Ball-Peen Hammer

Despite the fact that he is not yet dead, and many families are still left dealing with his dreadful legacy of terror, a museum of artifacts belonging to the notorious Yorkshire Ripper, Peter Sutcliffe, has been opened.

Sutcliffe, who was driving trucks and killing prostitutes long before Jeremy Clarkson started cracking jokes about such things, is serving life for 13 murders of the most gruesome kind. Having failed to tough it out in Parkhurst, he was later transferred to the warm, cosy, pink and fluffy Broadmoor, in order to remove him from harm's way.

Since taking up residence at Broadmoor, Sutcliffe has studied renaissance art, literature, hypnotherapy and escort girls in West Yorkshire, as well as brushing up on his DIY skills.

The Sutcliffe Collection has gone on display at the offices of the Bradford & Bingley Haulage Association, and is open seven days a week.

The museum curator, Archibald Lecturn, told us "The collection ranges from a series of letters between Sutcliffe and some very, very fucked up pen pals, to intimate correspondence with his therapist and postcards from Sonia. There is also a knackered old radio, which only tunes into Radio 4 LW. However, pride of place amongst the exhibits must go to his trusty hammer."

Mr Lecturn went on to say, "Such is the level of interest in this collection, we have had interest from a number of major tool manufacturers, all of whom are planning a special edition Peter Sutcliffe Ball-Peen Hammer for the next big anniversary of Sutcliffe's capture.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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