Following the furore surrounding the release by treacherous French ingrates, who for some reason fail to appreciate the sacrifices of D-Day and the Normandy landings, of intrusive intimate photographs taken by scumbag paparazzi of the Duchess Of Cambridge's bare breasts, it emerged that Pippa Middleton, the Duchess's sister, and runner up in last year's 'Rear Of The Year' contest has retreated to her Alpine style garden shed, and refused to come out. On the off chance that rogue photographers might attempt to snap pics of her bare bottom.
The shed, which Pippa purchased for £665.99 from The Chelsea Shed Company was said by a spokesperson to be the ultimate in shed luxury, combining ship-lapped planking, a mains electricity facility, a walkabout verandah, two big windows, a felt roof and a door with a proper lock on it.
It is thought that the shed is discreetly located at the bottom of Pippa's back garden, in the shade of a sycamore tree, although this has yet to be confirmed by experts.
"It's a quality shed," said shed technician Eric Trimble. "It's the Rolls Royce of sheds. Pippa need have no fear of falling into the same trap as her sister, because the tinted windows in the quality self assembly shed ensure total privacy, even if she chooses to frolic about bare-arsed. As long as she keeps the door shut, no telephoto lens will be able to penetrate that shed's security and privacy specifications. In fact, had Osama Bin Laden and Saddam Hussain taken the trouble to purchase similar sheds, they may well have still been alive today."
More as we get it.