Manhattan, NY - Authorities in New York announced on Wednesday that they had intercepted a man at JFK international airport, suspected of planning to carry out a plot to bring down the plane he was travelling in over New York, upon arrival from London.
Mahmoud Alli, however, never once had actually planned to blow up the plane. In fact, he loves America very much!
"I've been doing the monkey bars for six long years now!" A buff and very heavily shackled Mr. Alli told his captures. "I only wanted to get a free plane ticket to New York so I could finally see the Jets of New York play the Patriots of New England on Thanksgiving Day, in an NFL prime time blow out spectacular!" He said with a goofy grin, still hoping to make the game.
Mr. Alli's troubles had started when he began to reveal to an attractive young woman seated in his row, how he came to be riding on the plane that day. They shared a drink and he told her everything.
"I had all of the leaders fully believing I would martyr myself. We did the last dinner and the video and everything." He told the pretty woman. "I can be a very good actor." Added the boyishly charming Alli.
"We were already over the mid Atlantic by that point." Told Cindy Evans (38) from Denver, who was the object of Mr. Alli's attention. "I had a really tight connection at JFK. I really didn't want to get the guy in trouble. He was kinda cute. I really just wanted to get home to Denver for Thanksgiving."
But Mrs. Evans knew she had to say something. She's a good, patriotic American first. "He seemed like a really nice guy and he'd already started tailgating a little." She said empathetically. "But I knew that I could get in trouble if I didn't say something. Man, that poor fella really likes the Jets, though." She concluded.
While Mahmoud Alli continued tailgating, Mrs. Evans discreetly planned to inform a steward of the situation when using the bathroom, just before landing. That way, Mrs. Evans thought, she was sure that the plane wouldn't be diverted to a different city and she still might have a shot of make her connection home.
"The bomb was completely fake. Made of random Atari and old cellphone parts." Said Detective Phil Factchecca. "We've conducted several interviews with the suspect from a number of local as well as federal agencies and I fully believe that this man really just wants to get to that football game.
"Mr. Alli knows every player, every stat,even which player's wives have their own reality show, I mean everything! He's a Jets encyclopedia. More than anything in the world, this man seems to have an overwhelming desire to have his Jets jersey signed by Tim Tebow and take a picture of his idol, doing the Tebow prayer. Go figure?! Mahmoud Alli might just be the Jet's number one fan!
We asked the detective, "Do you think that there is any way that Mr. Alli will be able to attend the game and fulfill his lifelong dream?"
We journalists are always on the hunt for that "feel good" story this time of the year. Could Mahmoud Alli be the transformational figure who carries us into Christmas, with that warm feeling in our hearts, we wondered? This lone man who was willing to risk it all to get to our shores in order to take part in one of America's most sacred traditions.
Detective Factchecca had this to say; "There are a lot of guys in Riker's Island Prison with Mr. Mahmoud Alli right now, that have Thanksgiving dreams of their own. Some of those dreams include making a suspected terrorist their very special friend for the day. Its' much more likely that Mr. Alli will have his hands full at the time of the big game. We tend to take these threats kind of seriously around here." Ensured the Detective. "You've probably heard of the term "fresh meat?" That would be Mr. Alli around kickoff time.
Cindy Evans, our heroine in this completely fictional story, is currently buying a twenty-five pound frozen turkey at a Safeway, somewhere in the suburbs of Denver. Happy Thanksgiving Cindy… and Happy Thanksgiving to you too Mahmoud Alli. Welcome to America buddy! Go Jets!