Written by queen mudder
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Friday, 14 September 2012

image for Blatant self-publicist Kate flashes the flesh
Fried eggs in the loaming, sunny side up

Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia - She's played a blinder with those holiday snaps commissioned to up her saggy, er, public profile.

Sadly it's pretty much a 'two fried eggs in the loaming' kinda moment as once levelled by critics of Jerry Hall's Vagina Monologues performance at The Old Schtick - no, wait...Old Vic!

This morning's Red Top humbug about 'those pics' sits queasily with earlier tabloid photo montages of Kate Middleton's Singapore state banquet frock.

Surrounded by pious, properly covered-up ladies and their dark-suited husbands Kate appears in a white and gold plunging neckline dress that clearly embarrassed her conservative hosts.

Battery acid smiles on heavily veiled ladies' faces do nothing to help spin a tale of national delight.

"Whoever advised her to 'get her tits out' for the occasion must have known the country's dignitaries would be kitted out modestly," a Foreign Orifice dress code adviser said today.

William meanwhile turned up in a bright blue suit - the sort one might wear to a Tory Party shindig, but hardly official state reception gear.

Back in London their PR machine remains in overdrive churning out the usual bollocks about royal privacy protocols.

Expect an explicit, extra-marital video to up the ante in a few daze time!

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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